God's child
dance
music
basketball
loves people!!! :D

"let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." hebrews 10:23

live for others. make a difference.

you never fail until you give up. just take every painful experience as something God set for you to learn, and accept and forget it. the important thing is NOT TO GIVE UP, cause true failure is when you refuse to pick yourself up when you fall, not when you fall.

That's what I said to poo last year regarding history pt (yes, the one i FAILED.)
Man, why did it seem so easy last year??



I miss 208. The people, the classroom, NETBALL CARN, the tears and anger we shared from sec 1 till last year, the joys, CHALET, AMAZING RACE and all that.
I really miss the people. And I miss 50fus a lot. Was looking at photos just now. OH MAN, it's already May in 3 days' time. Bah.

ha... guess who????
anyway... i decided to write this for you.
anyone else who wants to add the list let me know! haha.

Things we love Cheryl for:
1. you are sensible for your age.
2. you are sensitive to others.
3. you always try to cheer people up. (especially me... :D )
4. You are fun to hang around with.
5. You have great deremination in whatever you do.
6. you are focused in what you do.
7. you are spiritually matured.
8. you have a beautiful voice.
9. you are smart.
10. you have a beautiful face.
11. you are hot.
12. you are sexy.
13. you play basketball.
14. you are hot.
15. you are sexy.

There! 15 reasons that i came up with... and you cant deny a single one of them cos i say so.
i'd bet all your other friends would agree with me. even if they dont, i will force them to. hahaha.

You're under My Dictatorship! and i'm Dict. hahahahaha... oops...

Quote of the day: a compliment a day, chases the blues away!!! :)

loveme.

my last happy post was actually on 16 april. means i've been like that for almost 2 weeks.
ok, that's nice. very nice. very very very nice.

you've changed. you've grown out of it. you're no longer you.
what has happened?
you don't recognise yourself? you can't seem to find where you once were, where you were once happy, where you never felt so rotten, where there was a spark of hope, where friends picked you up and carried you along, where you just knew somehow that there was a light at the end of the tunnel...
but now?
where is that place? and where have you gone?
are you even you?
do you know yourself?
where?
WHERE ARE YOU?
and when are you going to come back?
will you ever come back?
will you let yourself out of the darkness?
will you stop hiding?
will you, will you???
when will you ever?

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours.

I miss one tree hill.
I MISS LAST YEAR, for the 5272942y51956104132575023572057481401856th time!

hate that feeling.

I realise I stopped titling my entries. Well that's cause there aren't any titles to put. Oh well.

There's no homework today!! My gosh! That's really hard to believe! And I'm going to suntec with ro to eat ben and jerry's? FOR FREE??? Wow.








I only fail when I give up.

I love my pencil case keychain. Motivating, aint it? But it's just hard to believe that when you're in a situation like this.

There're some things that people can comfort you about when you're really really really really down and feeling hopeless about. But there are other things that even people encouraging you doesn't help, cause you know NOTHING can change what happened and what you did.
Cause, for this simple reason - YOU BROUGHT IT UPON YOURSELF. You messed it up, you ruined it, you spoilt the whole thing, you didn't grasp that opportunity, you just KILLED YOURSELF doing that.
And then feeling all sad and disappointed and unhappy and upset and frustrated and DEMORALISED AND HOPELESS about it is all you can do, and nothing makes you feel better cause nothing CAN make you feel better.

Get what I mean? Bet you don't.

I really hate myself now.

you're not a fool. i know who you are.

If only. I keep saying those stuff to others and yet I myself don't even know how to believe in it. It's real hard, I admit. And these few days have been so low and gloomy thinking about them, and not finding any answer. And just now when we watched Hotel Rwanda it just made me feel worse. More ------, more helpless, more useless.

What am I worth?

God values you a lot, and you're worth a GREAT DEAL to Him.
That's what I wrote for last night's QT.
Yet my actions just contradict my thinking.

Angsty? Gee, that's so cliche. (And that sounded so bimbo!)

"You can't have the best of both worlds."
But what if you aren't even getting the best of any world?

And opportunities don't last. No, they never.
It's too late. Stop messing up, idiot!

You never know until you try.

Try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try adn try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try adn try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try adn try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try adn try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try adn try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try adn try and tryand try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try adn try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try adn try and try.

I'm still not feeling any better.

Gosh, I just waste about 15 min when i was supposed to be doing RS. Losing focus really badly these days. HEH. Oh well. Shall complete it in 1/2 an hour then go to sleep.

Why cry, shy fly?
(If you didn't get it, it's just andrea and my version of How now, brown cow?)

Yay! I finally recorded EVERYTHING I wanted to say (that I could remember when I sat at the table and thought so hard, maybe too hard) in my spiritual journal. And I mean EVERYTHING!! Woohoo at last(: I love doing QT. It's something I look forward to every DREADED day of my life. Besides SUNDAYS :D

don't waste your life. live it to the fullest. live each day like it's your last.

Disappointment.
Ask me why I don't like doing it. And I can just give you about 4 examples. One today. I was pretty happy and excited at first then after that all she had to say was "..." and boom, I lost hope once again.
I'm crazy, I think.
I came home today in the ... kinda mood and have been like that the whole afternoon-night.
I don't understand!!
And I think this has been one of the most MEANINGLESS weekends in the year. Such a waste of time. Annotating pyg. Gah. Hate lit, hate it SO MUCH now. HATE HATE HATE.
I'm so crazy I don't even know how to make sense in this entry.
Well if you're kaypo then try you best to find out what I'm talking about. Let me tell you I've change topic at least 3 times. Ok it isn't a lot. But still. I'm incoherent, very.
Theme and rheme.
Yes, I'm random too, now.

What is wrong with me man?!

Jared said I have a great msn nick. Hahahahaha. Yeah, but it's something real hard for me to do.

Stop living in the past.

I HATE LIT.
And I can't stand her too. Whatever lah! DC DC. Crap lah. I annotated most except some parts of act 3 and 4 cause I gave up.
WHAT'S THE POINT??????????????

Anyway I've lost (almost) all hope for that too, so that doesn't matter cause it won't affect that. To bad I'm not gonna get that.
I'm so pissed now. I want and don't want to go to sleep.

Oh did I mention I love the song WHO AM I still? Well, yeah I do. I really really really love that song man. Was so glad yvonne chose it this morn. And so glad so many people love it too. Casting crowns(: Now to go listen to VOICE OF TRUTH more and memorise(: And maybe start singing it in church too.
HA.

USELESS LAH?!

Argh. I give up. This is not helping. The next time I come here, or rather, long long later when I come back here and read this entry I won't even remember what I'm blogging about. It' just its and thats and hers and all that. Disjointed sentences, improper phrasing, incomplete lines...
WHO CARES.

Oh let me just say roland did a great job master teaching(: It kinda made me miss sunday school man, so simple and fun. But I'm not criticising our current Dg style and all that, of course. I love WOW, don't get me wrong. It's just part of my living in the past notions that have been bugging me these few days.

The weirdest things bug me. Maybe if I keep some record I'll be able to laugh at them when I grow out of this urm, phase? And well, they kinda ex plain my mood swings too.

(I feel like cycling when I'm feeling emo.)

I love cycling(:

I should go sleep. Really, this isn't helping improve my mood.
40 DOP!!! I'm halfway through.
Yay, on to WORSHIP this week. OH and rick warren's definition of worship in the day 6 overview thingo was pretty good, I should say. It managed to satisfy me, for once. Been searching real long for a definition.
Okok,
Night.

gosh, i really miss december.

random stuff
I have so much to blog about. And only 2 days have passed since my last entry. Nuts. How does so much happen in such a short period!

I didn't blog about the stayover at nata's house right? I went to bed at around 3. Olly at 1 and nata at 2. Heh. Figured I better not risk being sleepy on sunday cause it was kick-off and we had to be high and all and I didn't wanna go there stoning. Her house is super near RJC lah so unfair! I take about 50 min or what. Bleargh. My 5th or 6th time wishing we could shift house. Haha. Random thoughts.
And! 2 things that are interesting about nata's house!!!
1. her parent's bedroom's toilet conditioner is from some hotel but it is really good(: Cause my hair was super smooth the next day! hahahaha.
2. her computer keyboard is SUPER HARD to type on lah! For every 5 words I typed there was surely 1 error. Argh. Hahaha. Nothing wrong with any other computer. Tsk nata.

Haha. I'm so easily amused.

During lit on monday we were takling about idealism vs being cynical. And we were saying being idealistic doesn't always mean being immature or childish. Neither does being cynical mean one is very mature in thinking. Haha.
And 1 thing tht really made me wonder:
Idealistic people tend to be hurt more easily.
Cause they imagine life to be so great and all but obviously it isn't. Ha.
I wonder whether I'midealistic. I don't think so. But I wanna be. I'd much rather be idealistic than cynical. It'smore enjoyable, not counting the hurt and disappointment. Yeah, that's the bad thing. I know very well I can't take disappointment.
But having big dreams is good, isn't it?

Anyway. I was also wondering about hoe meaningful our lives as students in S'pore realy are.

reach one more for Jesus
I know I fail in that. It's like the one I ranked lowest in all of the 5. And it's not even that I'm unaware of it. I know I stink at evangelism. But I just accepted that fact and didn't bother trying harder. Last year towards the end of the year we were talking about this during DG.
Anyway, I'm too tired to think so hard now. I was just inspired by nata's blog and felt like blogging a bit but realise I can't.

And argh! My mood just worsened! WHY!!! :(

40 days of purpose kick-off...
and shout-outs!!

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!! :D Go forth! Spread the good news! Bring people to Christ!

Yo! I'm in a super good mood now! Hahahaha. Feeling happy cause...
1. Kweky's helping me compile the group component for geog pt!
2. I've got no homework left! I already had none left since yest morn!
3. I've got no tests this week!
4. There're gonna be 2 free maths on monday and tuesday! YEAH MAN! I can take that time to think of more assumptions and considerations.

:)

The kick-off today was rather fun. (take note of the rather.) The sermon by Rick Warren was really really good. He has the ability to speak with total clarity and persuasion at the same time. And his message was so deep, yet he communicated it in such a simple and comprehensible manner. That's great man:) (I sound like rubrics for oral or something!) I admit I don't get impacted by sermons easily, and chances of that are rare, so this one was super good! :) I think it was mainly the last part, about evangelism. His story about his father's last words were very touching. And the song!! Man! It was so nice!!

Worship in songs went...ok. The harmonising actually worked!! Haha. It sounded much much better than 5 girls singing the same tune all together. I think we should have split the songs into parts and then different singers/worship leaders sing at different times instead, though. All the songs were fast and about celebrating cause Jesus is alive, since it's Easter Sunday. Ha. I wasn't even supposed to be assistant-leading this time; my name's not on the roster. But ah well, yvonne called me. And I enjoyed it, as always(: Love it so much, I didn't even realise I've been leading/assistant-leading for 3 weeks consec! Hahaha.

Had lunch at church after that. Met new people!! Woohoo! Fun! :D Xin ting, sophia, qi ying, min feng, nicholas (he's already in WOW. I didn't even know! Haha.) Eve and I joined in extra-ly for the small groups leaders' briefing since we were waiting for ethel.

You know, up to now I still haven't found a definition for worship. Ever since last year JAN's SOUL training, till this morn when he talked about bringing pleasure to God by WORSHIP, I still cannot define it!
"It's to vast," said eve. Haha.

I had about 3 1/2 hours of sleep this morning. Woke up so early!! 630! Goodness. Haha I'm really really sorry nata and olly, but eh, no choice. Heh. And I fell asleep in ahma's house in the end. Heh. Guess it was cause I didn't sleep a lot on fri night either so it couldn't make up for the loss of sleep yest. Aah well! But that means I can stay up tonight! Woohoo:) Figure why I'm so high and happy now. Yay! Haha.

And woohoo for last night's phonecall with dawn! With THREE people eavesdropping. Ahahahaha. Amusing man, we had countless interruptions on both sides. Well, mostly mine:P She reminded me that there WAS something special that happened last week! :) On wednesday for CLE, we were learning the KP model and the last one was about "encouraging the heart". So ms pang gave us cards to write encouraging/thanking/appreciating notes to anyone in the class. And it reminded me once again that small actions make BIG differences!! Really man. I was really touched by this note an anon classmate gave me (sorry but I don't know everyone well enough to recognise handwritings.) :

Cheryl, you encouraged me a lot. Remember that time after running 1.6km? Thank you. Come on! (jia you)

It was so so nice to hear that!!! Haha. And I don't even remember what I did to anyone after running the 4 rounds during PE. Heh. But THANK YOU to the person who wrote that to me!! It was super encouraging!! :)
And these are shoutouts to all those people whom I didn't have time to write to! As well as non-classmates (cause we were only supposed to write to classmates.) Plus I ran out of cards! Hahaha.
Disclaimer: there're many people on my list, so if you get bored you may just wanna skip the whole of this part. Hahaha:)

charmaine
Girl! I know you don't come online often so you may never see this. Hahaha. I've written lots of such notes to you already. It's real great having you as a DG-mate and friend from p6 until now! Hard to think that you came into church so much later than all of us, since we've become such close friends. Love your friendly and casual and LAME personality, someone whom I can talk to on the phone for as long as 2 hours without running out of things to talk about (it's amazing yah, since we only see each other once a week?!). You're really easy to crap and laugh with, and being in the worship team with you is exciting too! It's like a journey in ministry together, since we both started together within a few months of joining WOW in sec 1, serving with our musical abilities. Thanks for the few nights of staying up like on xmas'04 and church camp'05! I treasure our friendship loads :)

fiona
Hahahaha. The moment I think of you I think of laughter and hyper-ness and nonsense and crap and smiles and laughter and more laughter :) I love talking to you, cause your nature just makes me wanna be high; it's really pretty hard not to smile with you around! You naturally know how to cheer people up and make them laugh. Thanks heaps for all those times you encouraged and comforted me when I was depressed/disheartened/frustrated!! And I love going high with you and laughing over either nothing at all or everything in the world. Thanks for every single little gift like sweets and balloons and even a pacifier(!! hahaha!)! Thanks especially for all the phonecalls, long or short the same, and I do remember that time you stayed up until 230 just to talk even though you were dead tired. THANK YOU! You've been doing superb as a DG leader and even though you keep saying you're doubtful and all, I have faith in you:) Thank you :D (I can't believe our friendship has grown this much when we just got to know each other like, last november!!)

eveee
Cousin! Your personality is just great! Real fun to hang out with you and do random stuff, like sitting in ahma's house talking about nothing, or shopping in cold storage so many times. Hahaha. Your endless encouragement to me for worship motivated me greatly to never stop trying (persevere!! :P) and keep aiming higher. It's very nice to see how much you're maturing in your spiritual growth! It's clearly reflected in your speech, actions and how you blog as well. And I'm glad you're enjoying serving in the usher and worship team so much:) All the years of being cousins with you were thoroughly enjoyable. I think we'd die laughing if we were to go review our experiences together since 1993. HAHA XD You wore frilly lacy dresses! And so did I, I think. Hahaha. And those times with dalton too! Haha. Well. Keep that passion for God burning brighter and brighter each day as you live to glorify Him! Love ya much, cousin!

dawn
accountability partner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoooo! Man, that's such a long name. We should make up a nicer, shorter, sweeter, simpler name. Haha. Know I've repeated this many times, but I always look forward to the phonecalls on saturday nights, no kidding! It's like a small break from the tiring and long week, as a follow-up to the BIG break we're getting on sunday. (I think our timing for calling is really nice, haha:) ) It's nice that being acc. partners with you has made me know you so much better, cause really, we were never that close friends right? We can talk for so long without really running outa things to say too! And few people stay up talking to me till so late, so THANK YOU too! I love discussing issues and whatever controversial topics with you, cause it's nice to gain insights and opinions from someone else and either come to a conclusion or make me think further! And telling you how my week was is like a verbal diary. It's cool :) ahaha. Thanks for all the prayers together, for caring so much about me, planning minor missions together, for simply being a really sweet and wonderful friend to have. :)

chanyi
Hyper deranged bimbo monkey! I've got a song to dedicate to you!! I've got heaven on the inside of me. Peace and joy, God has set me free... HAHAhahaha! Hey girl (hey boy), thanks for sharing bible verses and just saying kind words to push me on whenever I'm discouraged. Your great desire to draw closer to God has encouraged me to do the same in my spiritual life as well! I loved having you as a DG-mate, one who would always question and doubt what was taught. It served to get me thinking and asking and trying to answer questions myself too, which was like a supplement to every DG lesson we had! It's nice debating isn't it:) (just that at times we reach no conclusion...just end up in more confusion.) Your eccentricity (? what's the noun?) is cute and makes me laugh all the time! Haha. And when you're all high and acting bimbo (or maybe yours needs no acting...) it just cracks me up. *fall down laughing so hard I can't end off my paragraph*

olly
Rolly polly olly! Thanks truckloads and bucketfulls for coming to church with nata and natalie and me today! Really appreciate it, esp. since you're staying at the other end of S'pore... Talking about evangelism and Christianity and God at the foodcourt last night was really fun and insightful:) I love all the times I can talk and discuss things to do with Christianity, church, songs (Christian LYRICS. Hahaha.) together with you. You've really played a big part in my growth as a Christian too, even though I bet you don't realise it! Cause hearing stuff from someone not from our church offers different perspectives and all, and it's really nice to think about. And thank you so much for being so encouraging to me throughout both basketball seasons last year and this year when we played together. Even though we may be rivals at times, ultimately we're both part of the team on court and you set aside all the competiveness between us to work with me instead of against me. And during zonals, thanks loads for reminding me that misery is an option. Indeed. It really really touched me and cheered me up:) Jiayou! We'll work towards that common goal in bball! B div'07 :) Go for it. No regrets!

Man, I've been blogging for really long. TIRING sia! I shall continue this another day. Haha.
On hold.
Night!

Look at this! This is the comparison expositary writing thing we had to do in english! AHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA xD

I LOVE ORANGE!!!!
But I can't type in orange or you won't be able to see!!

Read this:
HAHAHAHAHAA!! FOOLED YOU!


Hahaha.

long weekend
Wow. Finally I'm actually feeling QUITE free. Left the eliza characterisation. I FINISHED MY GEOG PT INDIV COMPONENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joy! Jubilation! Excitement! Relief! Happiness! Thankfulness! WOOHOOHOOOOOOOOO!!
Thank GOD!! Man. After 1 1/2 whole days of frustration and stress and staring at the computer and cracking my brains and going nuts, I AM DONE. YEAH MAN. DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa!! This feeling ROCKS!! Woohoo man!

Man. When I'm high I'm crazy.

I still remember chanyi saying that I'm always high in my blog entries. REALLY?! Not anymore now. Sadly.

I think one shouldn't just rant and rant and rant non-stop on her blog. Cause she must ALWAYS take note that there are many people reading it and what she blogs can affect people unknowingly. Haha, maybe you'd think why in the world I say that when I myself am guilty of it. But there's a LOT of stuff I don't blog about actually.

And really. So sad to see that last december my entries were all so super hyper and happy and all and now they've become so...low. I bet people get tired of reading my entries. RIGHT?? Right? Haha. I don't want people to read my blog then go away feeling moody cause of all the moodiness in my entries. I want my blog to MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY:)))
Yeah, right. I'm sure.
Ahahaha.

But can't fake high-ness all the time also right!!
Facade's not that easy! Hahaha!!

Man. I just read everything I typed and I think I'm super incoherent. EH.
Oh wells.

In a funny mood now. Not called high. Not sad, definitely. I don't know, heh.

I really wonder what people think when they read my blog. HAHAHAHAHA. Would you like to tell me?

I think I'm weird.

Yeah, I think I AM weird.

Do YOU think I'm weird?

Gosh, I'm scaring myself with this.

Off to do chalet admin stuff!
BYE:)

woohoohoo! Stayover tonight!! Nata's house!

dying
I'm really dead!!
So tired that I gave up and decided to go to sleep after finishing the opening ceremony proposal, then wake up EARLIER tomorrow/today and finish geog step 6 (action plan), eliza thing and RS in nata's house. fan zheng she's my group mate. Hahaha. I can push some of the work to her:P (you didn't see that nata!)
Y.A.W.N.
So much for staying up. WHAT A WASTED HOLIDAY. I was hoping for a nice staying-up friday/saturday. Aah, sigh. Too bad, geog just wore me out totally. AAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Better seriously CHIONG geog from the moment I wake up, then chiong my eliza thing. THEN try to do RS in nata's house, heh.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
DEAD!!!!!!!

stress.
i'm dead.
so dead.
ARGH shuttup man, YOU. you're not making things better in any way. and you don't even realise that? CRAP YOU. go away.

At this rate, I'm going to flunk my whole geog pt.
PISSED.
Flunk lah. Given up already. WHAT HOPE IS THERE LEFT??!!
STUPIDDDD.
Argh!
-prepared to fail-
-prepared to fail-
-prepared to fail-
-prepared to fail-
-prepared to fail-
-prepared to fail-

I AM GONNA FAIL.

i'm bored. hello. chem lesson soon.
we're almost done with geog pt group component. AAARGHHH go home this long weekend to chiong:
geog pt
math pt (left assumptions. need TWO MORE!!!)
RS proposal (HAHAHAHA)
eliza doolittle characterisation

when you learn to love yourself
you're better off by far

but it aint that easy?? and what if it's almost IMPOSSIBLE for me???

slow down
It's interesting yet weird how geog always gets me thinking. Was doing Future Problem Solving and one of our problem's something about high technology causing people to lead life at such a rapid pace, no time to slow down..blahblahblah. Cliche, yes. But.

Have you ever wondered whether there were times God was waiting and waiting and wishing to speak to you, yet you just kept progressing on and on with your life without stopping to listen to His voice?

And if you wish to take God out of the picture (Wait. That sounds wrong. If you look at it in a non-Christian way...if you simply look at it from a "normal" POV..aah! whatever! I think you get it!) , still the same thing applies. We move on in life so quickly that we tend to forget great times in the past, and fail to cherish even the shortest moments at certain memorable times. Worse still, we later look back and regret. But we've moved on and can't go back. And that hurts really badly.

I really miss those times I went to reservoirs/nature parks or those kinda quiet and serene places with my family. To cycle or simply walk and enjoy the breeze. The atmosphere and everything's so different from school and URBAN life and blah. It's really nice to take a break once in a while and just cast away all the stupid distractions of school work, studies, stress, and sit down and dwell in nature for a bit. I wanna do that some day again man. Sadly, the question is DO I HAVE THE TIME?!

Dinner! How late!

poets are usually those people who're like mad or crazy or psycho.
poets are usually depressed people.

Think that's true? Ha. Nata, thanks huh what's that supposed to mean!

Today was basically a very sad day. From the 1st block all the way till now. And the rain just worsened it. Especially during PE when I obviously wasn't paying attention but staring at the rain pouring down in torrents instead. And I realised the rain seemed to be moving along the ground in like waves or something. was pretty cool. But weird. My science isn't that pro heh.

And like yesterday, I ended up ranting in my notebook while listening to crappy lessons that didn't need full attention. Just couldn't help it. I promised myself from jan that I'd pay attention and be a guai kia and stop writing so much in class whenever I was feeling unhappy. But well, mission failed. Haha andrea, sorry I may be quite boring to sit next to after all. Hahaha. But thanks for the song lyrics and singing and everything we do...slackers yeah:P Bet the teachers know we're not paying attention but haha, well. We kinda pay attention...?

Crap. Listening to this cd isn't improving my mood. Haha. Then again, I purposely chose this cd cause I didn't want to listen to some cheery happy thing and fake happiness. I'm fine with faking to others but not to myself. I know I'm not making sense. Haha whatever.

I shall go back to dwelling in sadness. HAhahahahahaha. Ciaoooo.

guess who... saw this... thought you might like it.. hope it cheers up your day!

feel like bloggingHmm that's a weird title. Oh well. Nothing to do.
YAWN.

SPSL application??? I thought I wasn't going to sign up and decided to at the last minute. So it's empty now and it's due tomorrow. GREAT JOB, ME. Aah sigh. Shall try to fill it up later. My PSL form was filled in like on the due date too. I'm sleeeeeepy.

nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts
nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts nuts

thinking and thinking and thinking a lot.
I haven't really had time to sit down and reflect and properly blog about serious stuff recently. And I do miss witing in my diary so badly but I just can't fine the time to do such things. Aah sigh. Anyway. I shall take a break from homework now to blog. Anyway I'm done with homework for the weekend, just gonna take a look at geog pt stuff later on.

Didn't get to talk to dawn last night cause I was knocked out the moment I got back from worship prac at about 9.30. Can't believe we spent about 3 1/2 hours in church!! So long?! Oh, count the walk to cold storage and 7/11 too, but still. It's amazing how time passes so quickly every time I go to church. And then when it's over I start wishing it could sart all over again and blah blah blah, but I still have got 1 more week to wait. ACK. Dawn!! I'm REALLY SORRY!!! I know you said it's ok like 5 times this morning but I still feel really guilty. Ha. Well at least we talked a bit in church this morn(: Thank you!<3.

And for DG we had prayer stations instead of lesson. To be honest, prayer stations very seldom work for me. I don't understand why. It's not cause I cannot quieten my heart for that kinda atmosphere. I can really be still during QT. But during prayer walks I just don't feel like it speaks to me. Not really. Not as much as music, at least. I think is you wanna talk about meditating and spending time with God, I still do better at it in QT. Don't ask why, cause I can't answer that either. But well. I'm not discouraging anyone or criticising those who took so much effort to prepare the prayer stations. I'm sure it's a great experience for others. I'm just an exception. I guess. [told you I'm nuts.]

WORSHIP! What can I say. Yes I was nervous, no, not as nervous as I thought I'd be, cause I was pretty prepared and all. And it's not like I've NEVER led before, cause you must count camp. And must be thankful for the SOUL trainings that helped me test and try a but before the real thing. But it WAS my 1st time leading in service.
THANKS YVONNE for guiding, ENCOURAGING and giving me tips throughout the whole time from last sunday when I started preparing till today, after service. :)
Thank you FIONA and CHARMAINE for your encouragements throughout the week of preparation too!! :D Helps to know that people actually believe in me; even more than I believe in myself.
Thanks EVEEE and ETHEL and AMADEA for your super nice comments after service:) Cousinn!! You rock, man. Never fail to boost my morale, with all the compliments and stuff. LOVE YAA! You've played a huge part in my growth as AWL too, giving me pointers and all from the worshippers' POV! All else said on your guestbook(:

And shermaine!! Haha. WOOHOO MAN you put the WHO AM I pre-chorus on your nick. YEAH MAN! It's great to know that the song at least touched someone!! Yahoo! Hopefully there were more! (: DON'T YOU LOVE THAT SONG!! I really do. The lyrics are so meaningful and made me realise that despite how insignificant I am, God doesn't leave me out of His to-love list, and through every day of my life, HE IS IN CONTROL! It's amazing how much God loves us, really. It's unbelievable. Ever since eve introduced me to the song, I've never forgotten it. And through this whole week, from wed when I was typing out the chords and stuff, the whole song was stuck in my head...even up till now. Hahaha. Love it.

SOUL training. Learnt about the priority of worship, esp how our hearts are when we sing songs to Him every sunday during service...are we really meaning what we sing or just mouthing the words by heart? Are our minds totally distracted and not focussing on God alone? are we REALLY WORSHIPPING HIM IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH?

Didn't feel like going home after that and neither did justin so we both decided to go to Lot 1 and walk around a bit. Haha. And I bought hairpins!! HAHAHA! Joke man. Lost one [and the only 1 I have besides another lousy one] in church yest during worhsip prac. I have NO idea where I dropped it! Haha. Could find it neither in the toilet nor the black sofa. Lol, great joke. Oh well! The pins cost like only 50c for 50 or something!! Haha. And we went around each level then bought bubble tea and after walking around in NTUC [laughs], sat down and talked about the couple :P and then walked off. Stopped at the traffic light before he crossed cause we hadn't finished talking [discussing how WOW is functioning, DG, cliques, etc] He missed like 10 traffic lights before deciding to go off. HAHAHA. Funny!!

I'm seriously losing my focus in studies. Lost it, rather. I'm not bothering about getting super good grades and a 3.7 GPA and all that. Even to the point that I'm studying last minute, which is something really not me. Like philo test. Tomorrow, and I studied tonight. Good job eh. If it were last year I'd probably have been done studying last night, latest this morning. Nuts. Crap. I'm probably gonne end up with a GPA of 3.4 or worse at the end of the year. And you know what? I DON'T CARE. I think studying is so meaningless now. Mug and mug and mug and what do you get?! Seriously, what?! Ok, scholarships and satisfaction and maybe it'll give you a bright future and great career and all the nonsense, but haven't you heard of people who didn't ace tests in school but still end up as big shots. NO, I'm not saying I'm so good I can be one of those people, but I'm just saying that I really HAVE NO CARE about my studies. Now. I'm dead, in short. What a great attitude to begin with, huh? I wonder whether mum will notice that my change in attitude towards studies has undergone such a huge change that she might think there's something wrong with me. I hope she doesn't. Cause I think there is, and I hate it when people just see through you like that. Whatever, CRAP.

I think I don't even recognise myself anymore. What in the world has brought such an extreme change over me?! Am I nuts or am I nuts or am I nuts or am I insane or all of the above?

I'm nuts.

insanity...revisited
Ello. I'm nuts.

Ok that's all I have to say.

Goodbye. Have a nice day. Hopefully it's nicer than mine.

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/c/casting_crowns/who_am_i_ver4_crd.htm

Ignore that. For personal reference. Haha.
NIGHT.

GO RAFFLES. WE CAN BEAT ANDERSON!!!!
:)

eveeeeeeeeee
Haha. This post is dedicated to THANKING YOU!! Yay!
Credits to EVEEEE my beloved cousin for making this blogskin. Yup! THANKS DEARie [not sarcastic! haha!] (:

Love it. IT'S NICE RIGHT. You better say so. haha

losing myself
Either this girl loses her sister, I think, or she's going to lose herself.

-quoted from "My Sister's Keeper". Was reading it just now.

YES. That's it.

!!

FREE!!
My gosh. I actually have NO homework left to do except for the compre summary. SO SHIOK RIGHT??!! :D I shall do my compre later. In my grandma's house. Then I can ask my aunt for help:)
And so, WHEEEEEEEEEEEE I'm free now!!! And I wanna stay up to read the book My Sister's Keeper [by Jodi Picoult! It's a really good book!] But I shant since there's gonna be a match on monday. :) Rest rest rest and sleep and sleep and relax. Hao shuang o.

Why is ice less dense than water? Click here to find out:) So that's done. For chem. YAYY!!

Shall I go to sleep now? I'm really tempted to go read. Aah well. Maybe tomorrow. I mean later.

coming online makes me happy
[the title isn't exactly relevant but i thought that was a nice title to have. lol. but it's true, coming online makes me happy.]


don't you ever wish you were someone else
you were meant to be the way you are exactly
don't you ever say you don't like the way you are
when you learn to love yourself
you're better off by far
and i hope you always stay the same
cause there's nothing 'bout you i would change

Now I finally know why. And I'm really sorry I haven't done it. I know I've disappointed you, and everyone else too. I know I'll never measure up to that. Or to her. I know I can't be compared. I know I simply don't make it. I know why the chances stopped coming. And above all, I know I really let you down and I don't know how to apologise.

I'm sorry I can't do it.