God's child
dance
music
basketball
loves people!!! :D

"let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." hebrews 10:23

live for others. make a difference.

and the stress is starting to kick in full-blast
I'm getting pissed at everyone right now. Like hello, what's their problem?!! Don't know how to say the right things is it?! Then just shut up can?! Nothing anyone says is making me feel better. It's horrible man. Oh but don't come apologising to me. Cause anyway you don't know who you are and I won't bother about apologies. Sorry, but that's me. Put up with it.

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

I just have this icky dreadful feeling that I'm not gonna do well at all. And trust me, when I'm not gonna do it, I always am able to sense it. There's been more than enough evidence to prove that from the past 2 years. I always end up doing as horribly as I expected. It's like I just know when I'm not gonna do well?!

And so, there's nothing I can do but dread. Cause once I know I'm not gonna do well, what's the point of trying to?! Study for what?!

Try so hard and only get that stupid mark for Lit FA? Study so much yet cannot do the chem assignment? Stay up so late but still cannot finish studying?
TRY SO HARD FOR WHAT LAH?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, if one is stupid, then he's just stupid, right? What in the world can he do about that sad fact?! If trying has proven useless, then WHY STILL TRY.

So I'm really wondering why I'm even bothering to try. Nothing can be done anyway! Why waste my time! Just accept the lowest of grades I could ever get and why? Cause I'm just BORN STUPID and I can't help it, can I.

Look, so many rg people can just slack their days away and walk away with straight A's. These people need not waste hours and days and SACRIFICE SLEEP to mug ang mug non-stop. People like me should just accept our fate and lift up our hands in surrender to something we can never conquer. It's INNATE, what will solve that? NOTHING!

I'm really really tired of trying. Been trying for 2 1/2 whole years and what have I gotten out of it? Disappointment. Self-hatred. Frustration. Weariness. List all the negative impacts you can think of. I'll score 8 out of 10 of them.

I practically FLUNKED LIT FA, and this isn't the 1st time. I just CAN'T DO IT, OK?! I'm giving up on lit and chinese. My math and chem and chinese are on the verge of being thrown off the cliff too.

You may say that at least I do well in other aspects, studies don't make up my whole life. SERIOUS MISTAKE. Try thinking of things I actually do well in?!
I'm a failure at studies, lousy at bball, being an undeserving PSL, and I'm not even sure I'm doing well spiritually.

And anyway. Time is running out. So little time left to study. CAN'T MAKE IT LAH.

Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering one.
Often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor's cup.
But they learnt too late, when the night slipped down,
how close they were to the golden crown.

Where do I go from here?