21 May 2006
10:15 PM
ONE TO GO.The anticipation is killing. I WANT THIS TO BE OVER!!! NOW!
You know how terribly hard and painful it is to see everyone having a time of their lives and thoroughly enjoying their freedom while here you are, struggling behind an endless pile of books in a hopeless quest for what? A GPA of 3.7? 3.8? (and I know that's already impossible for me. Messing up physics and maths and probably lit (the unseen!!) sure didn't help in any way.)
Oh and wait. That's not all. After tomorrow, you could say the exams are over (eng doesn't count), but NO! There's stil lit PT that's due on friday. I'm gonna make sure I finish mine by tuesday night. I wanna start TRULY enjoying myself man.
And I'm not done studying chem but it's too late to cram. Sigh, I'm really losing all my once-great ability to study straight for how many hours. And I keep being unable to finish studying. Last time I could finish studying like 2 days before the test, then use the day before simply to revise and re-read everything. Now it's serious cramming which doesn't work for me, at all. YIKES.
Sighhhhhhh. What can I do. It's too late. Just take the exam tomorrow and hope for the best, huh?
I can't ask God to help perform some miracle or something cause I haven't done my part. GEEEEZ. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I receive all my results. And the report card. Oh crap. This really rocks.
No regrets?FULL OF REGRETS.When have I ever been able to tell myself I've tried my best? I really can't seem to find any time like this.
Can I say that CURRENTLY, this is all I could have done?
I don't think so.
I never fail to disappoint myself.
When have I ever patted myself on the back and told myself that I had tried all I could and since that was the best I could have done, I should just be happy with it and thank God no matter what?
When have I ever ACCEPTED my results?
I realise I'm only happy when I really get good results. Like 24/25 for geog or something. (oh yes, that reminds me.
Everyone did so well for geog while mine was just HORRIBLE!)
And I seriously have NEVER encouraged myself by saying that that was just the best I could have gotten, and anything better was out of my reach.
Now is
that being too hard on myself?
Anyway, anyhow, I know for this sem, I've got LOTS of regrets. I wonder if I can even make up for it in the end years. Last year I didn't.
If I care too much, it just counter-acts.
Now I'm caring so little, and it isn't helping either.
I thought in sec 1 I didn't even try, and my GPA was so WHOA. In the +ve sense.
So what am I supposed to do to get back those wonderful results?!!!
I'M TRYING!! I AM!
Maybe it's still not my best.
Or you could say, maybe my limits are really so small, I've already reached them. And that's how lousy I am. And I CAN'T accept that. (how many years have I been trying?!)
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS.
