God's child
dance
music
basketball
loves people!!! :D

"let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." hebrews 10:23

live for others. make a difference.

We're sitting and stoning in class 105 and pretty much lazing around everywhere around here. BAH Im' really bored. So let's talk to myself (: Hmm cheryl. Have you planned your homework schedule for the holidays? Oh no. Hey actually we're not supposed to do homework for the hols eh? Yes yes. The holidays are supposed to be a BREAK. Yep. Wahahaha.

Am I high? Am I low? I don't know. Whee that rhymed. WOW I'm getting some kinda inspiration here. My foot. Oh yeah I'm sure my foot can inspire me. HMM. My foot is not flat not high-arched not bad. It's urm, spotted with obs scars and HUGE and ugly. I feel like I'm doing the stupid whoami poem for ss or something. Man. I failed to write the poem that day! :( Think I blogged about it already . Have I blogged about it already? OK I don't care. Posts like this are filled with rubbish and should not be posted. But oh whatever. Im' running out of things to say. Oh nho, that can't be. I once said that I rock at crapping. And that's why I'm able to write such insanely long letters, like the one that hannah died reading. If only I could write ezsays that long and just un-crappy bur filled with substance.

KAIYAN'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING :) WHAT SHALL WE DO HMMMMM. HAhaha planning birthdays are fun man.

And VINNA :) LOVE YOU BABE. Wow I really wished you like how many times la. Lol. SO enthu. Ahahaha I expect equal treatment in 5 weeks' time :P Yeah and really, thanks for the letter. Haha.

BBALL BBQ TOMORROW :) Ok I'm tired of typing. Bye dudes.

Mixing and stirring and grinding and churning brain juice for days. (is tiring and draining)
Yep, that's what I've pretty much been spending my days recently doing. Not entirely voluntarily, actually. But it felt good. I mean, not the during (oh actually, that did feel quite good), but the after. Ok both. Maybe breakdowns are necessary. Oh but in my case, it's probably like OVER-breaking down but aah, whatever. Hahaha. And gah :( falling sick didn't help splendidly, as I wished for it it, and thought it ought to. What's more I missed school for 2 days and yet it didn't seem that great a break, not as great as what I was hoping for, at least. Cause if 3 out of 4 times happened after that, and on consec days!!! that's a bit strange eh? Oh oh and guess what. Thinking so much made me finally realise the UNDERLYING roots of all my seemingly inexplainable phenomenal sadness! Whoa! Nyahahaa!

Ans I slept at 410 am this morning. A SCHOOL MORNING. Whoooa. I never fail to amaze myself (: And I've been rather HIGH and awake up till now. Though my eyes hurt like CRAP.

c div'06. of course, it's true, you could have played better, ba wo -ed more, focussed more and all that. but we know you FOUGHT, and i bet other teams would never fight all the way till the last whistle unlike you guys. you guys did us proud with your fighting spirit throughout the entire match, and we LOVE YOU :) so leave the painful memory behind and move on. chances are always round the corner, it's just whether you embrace it or let it slip. :) RG BBALL. live the dream, baby. WE CAN DO THIS. 2007, here we come! :)

AWFULLEST DAY :(
Today has got to be my unluckiest day yet. To cut a long story short.
1. we messed up chinese pt
2. i messed up oral
3. i messed up at training
4. i reached home almost 9 O CLOCK (and i would use my oral speech joke here if not for the circumstance in which i am writing this.) cause stupid SINGAPOREAN PEOPLE WHO TOTALLY LACK COURTESY JUST HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO BRAINS TO MOVE TO THE REAR OF THE BUS. LIKE FOR GOODNESS SAKE. SPARE SOME THOUGHT FOR OTHERS AND STOP BEING SO SELFISH YOU FRIGGIN RETARDS.
5. my bag being so heavy cause of the extra geog textbook wasn't of much help
6. i haven't been properly training and i LACK STAMINA AND THUS I WAS DRAINED FROM THE STUPID LONG WAIT AND RIDE HOME. felt like i was gonna collapse any moment. YES I'M A WEAKLING OK. I KNOW. oh yeah. i forgot i just "recovered" form being sick. YEAH RIGHT. i'm still sick lah.
7. being in such a pissed mood already, everything my mum asked just made me wanna flare up ather. and her forgetting the diff between SOUL and Soul Deep and worship prac really irritated me.
8. the internet thingo refused to connect until like after 10 tries which means practically 15 min JUST TO DIAL UP. I HATE DIAL UP. I HATE THE SLOWNESS OF IT. SUCH A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY. and of effort to type stuff like this whenever it pisses me off.
9. when i finally got it connected the 1st time WOOHOO. THE WEBPAGES ALL HUNG OR REFUSED TO OPEN. gee. what was WRONG with it man.

And it's a FRIDAY. COME ON MAN. Couldn't you choose a better day to ruin. THANKS A LOT.
Oh right. Now I'm blaming people. I'm blaming GOD. WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH YOU CHERYL. YOU DESERVE TO GO TO HELL AND BURN TO DEATH.

Let me warn you. I HATE it when people don't move to the back of the bus. I'd push them off and hope they just break bones and who cares what happens after that man. HAVE SOME COURTESY. IN WESTERN COUNTRIES IT'S LIKE NATURAL FOR THEM. WHY NOT HERE.

I'm sorry I'm being un-Christian and not reflecting His glory and stuff. SORRY. I'm gonna bao zha in your face if you question me at this point in time.

ARM POWER. ARM. ARM. ARM POWER.

talking into the night
This isn't exactly into the night at all, cause it's not even midnight yet. HAHA. But it's late for a sick person like me hahaha. Whatever. I slept so much already man. Scary. Some people are REALLY fun to talk to at this time.

Chinese PT and oral tomorrow. OOH GREAT. Go back to school after being sick and face 2 TESTS. I mean, SAs lah.

Ok my stomach's decided to act up again. Haha. Night.

sick.
Aah. I'm SICK. Booooo:(
Oh actually, I've been hoping to fall sick sometime this week cause school was seriously driving me crazy. (Yeah, you don't wanna know what happened yesterday right after coming home from the junior's match.) And I was just telling nata that I might just fall sick today or something. And I DID(: Guess what. I wasn't even JUST sick. I was REAL SICK. I woke up this morning and discovered I had been struck by a headache, a stomachache, flu/sinus (couldn't figure which one), AND sore throat. Whee. How nice. AND I still went to school. :( And my head was throbbing all the way!
So after plodding through coefficients (MUST better than graphs -_-) and exposition (YAY! that was worth it cause I like my marks :P), home I came!!
And here's something that should make you laugh:

(in the GO when I was getting permission to leave early)
mr ong: what's wrong with you?
me: erh. a lot of things ah. got headache, got stomachache, got flu and sore throat.
mr ong: tsktsktsk. must be never sleep riiiight!
me: *sheepish laugh* probably...
mr ong. *sniggers* what probably. YAH lah. just say yah.
me: haha i THINK so la!
mr ong: aiyah. msn through the night la!
me: NO! i was studying!
mr ong: *sniggers again* HA. sureee...
me: yah! i can show you my chem notes as proof!
mr ong: *raises eyebrow* ooh really? haha. okok.
...

ARGH! Why must everyone attack me for sleeping late! Ok wait, don't answer that :P

I hope I'm so sick I can't go to school tomorrow. Right now I can't even annotate lit without feeling my head start pounding again...plus ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! and ahemahemahem...

regrets?
Talk about having lots of it.
Maybe I could have made my life so much better, but I didn't.
Maybe I shouldn't have done some things or made some decisions, but I was stupid and dumb.
Maybe I had chances presented right in front of me but I turned away, turned them down.
Maybe I've been on the wrong path all along. (but I trust God to lead me back:) )
Is there ever TOO LATE?
:(

I got accepted into mentorship xD *HUGE HUGE GRIN*
So, I need to write more poems now. Which is not a chore, but I haven't been writing due to lack of time and inspiration. Goodness, every time I try the work comes out like crap! But I know I definitely WANNA write. Loads. Got so much to catch up on if I were to write about everything I've thought about.

I think I could actually be a philosopher.

Soul Deep minutes are taken JUST LIKE psb minutes. All the items action by and stuff. Lol. Think that's really cool(:
I sometimes wonder whether things would have been different if I weren't in sec-c. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming, just wondering. Oh danny once said (actually, a few times) I wonder about weird stuff. Haha, think that's true.

LIT ANNOTATIONS!!!!! Goodbye!

make the most of your life.
make a difference in others' lives.

misery loves company
I was actually thinking of going for Singapore Cup last night cause I was really going nuts at home. Then I thought, if I went for Singapore Cup, why not go for planet shakers man. So much more worth it. But I wasn't supposed to go for planet shakers for COMPANY, of course. So if I didn't go planet shakers, I shouldn't have gone for S'pore Cup. (nata said s'pore cuup was boring :P i feel better.) So I went for none. And fell asleep doing lit. SIGH. So much for mugging chem. ARGH. I'm over-incapable!

I can't wait for Soul Deep and PLANET SHAKERS later. Oh and yeah, I finally thought about it and wrote it ALL down in my spiritual journal and it felt GREAT(: Thank God for last night's QT! :) Ok so anyway, I want and don't want later to come. I want it to start but don't want it to end. But once it starts, it will sooner or later end. I want it NEVER to end. Talk about being unable to make decisions. Well, that's me. STAYOVER AT EVE'S!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT TOOOOO :)

Ran 8 rounds at limbang park just now. MAN, it felt GOOD. Oh well, actually I ran jogged 6 rounds and jog-walk-sprinted the last 2 rounds like claire and I did yesterday. Haha. Figured both would be about the same - the sprinting would make up for the walking and the jogging was just normal. I reeeaaaally wanna find out how long that track is. I never know how much I'm running! And I can't count on FEELING! Cause I get tired so easliy. And my stamina is fluctuate-ish. lol.

Hmm. Some really nice people come online in the morning. HAHAHA. I hope they don't read this though, or know who I'm referring to. HAHA.

See you later alligator!

insanity.
I think I'm becoming insane. I mean, really. I don't mean my USUAL going high for no reason kinda insanity,me as a hyper retard, but really, insane INSANE.
After he pissed me off I decided it was too much and I forgot my homework and came online. 1 hour. And it didn't make me feel the least bit better cause there was practically no one online to talk to. And so I went off. Read hannah's letter. I like reading hannah's letters (: She is a really good crapper, just like me! (: And so, reading it made me feel a teeny weeny bit better. But then I stared at LOTF and my mind totally blanked out and I felt sick, sick to the bone. Don't ask why. So I walked to the kitchen and thought whether I should eat or not, and decided not to. Wasn't and am not that hungry. So I should wait until my stomach really starts hurting and I cannot take it anymore then eat, so it isn't wasted.
I need a weighing scale in our house.
Ok so I stoned in the kitchen and still felt SO SICK. As though I was gonna faint on the spot man. Tried to get my thoughts straight, but no, I don't even know what was running through my mind. Walked back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and went to my room and checked my phone and it was just a black screensaver. PFFT. And then just as I was thinking about how much I wished for company, I heard it vibrate. Like, WHOA, THANK GOD man. Twas plee, regarding tonight's planet shakers. (I find it funny that claire calls them SHAKERS. Like, what?!!! Sounds like a musical instrument!) And so I'm not going tonight. Wow, I thought I was fickle-minded, but I've stayed on that decision since sunday already. And then I sat on my bed and thought somemore, rather, TRIED to think (why's it so difficult to think man!), and finally jumped off, irritated with myself, and came here. And so sarah saw me go offline then come on again. How stupid. Of me, I mean. Told you I'm fickle-minded.

Really. What's with this stupid crazy INSANE LONELINES that I'm feeling almost all the time now man! What the FRIG!
Claire, jamie and i were talking about being an only child the other day, and claire says she LOVES it. Woohooo, wow. I don't know about myself. For now, I really like it. Really really really. For privacy and freedom to do what I want man. As long as my parents aren't at home or my mum's working and my dad's sleeping (what else does he do - eat, sleep, read the newspapers.) BUT loneliness is an issue. And I think when I'm becoming insane, are you sure being an only child is good?

Thing is, I bet you can't tell I'm going insane if you were to just see me face-to-face and not read my blog right? Bet if I hadn't posted all those recent entries, no one would even GUESS that I'm feeling this way. RIGHT? AM I RIGHT? AM I NOT RIGHT? I'M RIGHT, RIGHT? No one can tell from my face man. I think I look perfectly fine and normal to anyone like during training, going out, or just hanging out, bumming around, whatever. You really can't tell.
And I'm not TRYING to hide ok. Maybe it's just natural. Oh geez. What if I'm becoming an introvert. The stupid career stuff. I pity Mr Ives Tay, don't you? Anyway, yeah, what if I'm becoming an introvert. Realise that all the social stuff they ask, last time I could truthfully say I love bging with people and all that but now I've doubts about my answers. NOOOOOOOOO I DON'T WANNA BE A STUPID INTROVERT.

And about FOP and planet shakers. I don't know ok?? OK????!!!!!!!! It's pissing me off man.

I don't want and want to post this entry.

Maybe the world hates me.

where i don't belong.

This holiday sure stinks. Homework-filled. And every time I go out I only feel guilty cause there're heaps and bundles of homework waiting at home to be completed. Let's see. Since tuesday.
Tuesday - nat day celebrations, PSL session, out with claire, jamie, sihui, hannah, jasmin, movie, claire's house.
Wednesday - math hw, eve's housewarming bbq.
Thursday - athlina's card, their birthday lunch, out at suntec for a while, chinese pt at home.
Today - training, lunch, homework all the way. (woohoo. so i can't go for planet shakers tonight. great.)
And I was in such a bad mood when I came home and HE had to say some real perfectly-timed words, blow up in my face, bite my head off. I'd have spouted all my verbal abuse here if it weren't a blog.
Right, great. It's time to go and do HOMEWORK!!!!!! *skips around in a dance of sheer joy*

great. ignore me. it doesn't matter anyway right? cause there wouldn't be any difference anyway. what do i matter.

i am a happy person. oh yes i am. i am i am i am and if i say i am i AM. ha. there's nothing you can do about that!

but I DON'T MATTER DO I?!

He never sleeps
Don Moen
when you've prayed every prayer that you know how to pray
just remember that the Lord will hear and the answer is on it way
our God is able
He is mighty
He is faithful

and He never sleeps
He never slumbers
He never tires of hearing our prayer
when we are weak He becomes stronger
so rest in His love and cast all of your cares on Him

do you feel that the Lord has forgotten your need
just remember that God is always working in ways you cannot see
our God is able
He is mighty
He is faithful

and He never sleeps
He never slumbers
He never tires of hearing our prayer
when we are weak He becomes stronger
so rest in His love and cast all of your cares on Him

Ok it's 137 am and there's school today and I'm still here because? BECAUSE. I CANNOT SLEEP. TOO ANGRY. TOO DISAPPOINTED. HATE IT.

GO AWAY, SHUT UP. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

so. what do i do now.




aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh:(

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok. ignore me. i'm sorry i just need to scream somewhere.

i really really hate this.

OH WHAT THE CRAP. SO MUCH FOR THAT. I HATE MYSELF FROM NOW ONWARDS. I MEAN, I HATE MYSELF MORE THAN EVER FROM NOW ONWARDS.

i've told you i cannot stand disappointment.

so here's me when i'm disappointed. don't read, REPEAT DON'T READ if you're prone to heart problems.

gosh. i don't know whether to be angry at you or not. i know it's obviously not yourr fault, and i don't know what went on. but you know what. i'm sorry but until i find out the truth, i'm really really sorry but i'm angry with you. GEE, THANKS A LOT. really. getting my hopes all high up and so excited and all and then after that just throwing them all away LIKE THAT. LIKE THAT. Great. THANKS SO MUCH. I'm sorry I'm actually not blaming you but you're all I can vent my anger on and I'm REALLY sorry.
but really! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I HATE IT! RUINED MY PLANS. SPOILED MY DAY. MESSED UP MY HOLIDAY. fine FINE FINE it's JUST them. ok to you it's JUST them. and yeah yeah YEAH YEAH doesn't matter it's not about that but about that. OK! I GET IT! OK? I KNOW!

I HATE DISAPPOINTMENT. HATE IT. IT'S THE WORST FEELING ONE CAN EVER GET.




ARGH. STUPID. STUPID HOLIDAY RUINED. STUPID STUPID STUPID! HATE THIS!

pissed.
What a weird title but who cares. Gosh I'm becoming very "who cares"ish nowadays. So whateverish as well. Nata says when you wanna say pissed as in like angry you should say pissed OFF. Cause pissed means peeing. But nevermind you get the idea.

I don't know. Just in a bad mood. Stupid. Got home so early today. Didn't feel like coming home. But that's not the point.

Oh great. It's 1633 now. I was supposed to start reading before 5 and now I have 1/2 an hour (less) to 5. GREAT GREAT GREAT.

And I'm starving. Stupid stomach will you please stop growling. ARGH! I'm like counting down to tomorow or something. Don't ask why.

Today duing SS we went to the library to research for PT. WOW, never knew there'd be so much stuff online about waste management in singapore. Lol. Anyway, nata came up with this real stupid idea about not talking verbally to each other (even though we were sitting right next to each other) but typing to each other on Word instead as though it was msn messenger. HAHA. Did it for a while and then gave up cause it was realllllllly mafan. After that sihui came along and did that with me too. Goodness.

Claire got new shoes!!! I went with her and hannah yesterday after school make claire's specs. And we chose REALLY REALLY great specs for her(: Righto claire? Guess what we chose. Hahaha. There were these HUGE PEACH ones on the counter which were like four times the size of your eye or something, round and really ugly (i mean pretty). And then she objected (why?! hahaha.) so we chose GOLD-RIMMED ones(: See. You can totally trust hannah and I to choose perfect specs(: Then hannah and I went to the toilet and she decided to walk around the floor to explore the shops. Came across this really (ok not really) dark and narrow staircase, know like those kind in adventure stories where the hero finds the treasure or something, that seemed to lead up to this reeeeeaaaaaally mysterious uluated place. And she pushed me in front and made me walk all the way up to see. And I was like if i get killed by a monster you'd better take responsibility. Hahahaha. It turned out to be a doctor's or something. Then after that we found another dark staircase but not narrow staircase and walked up also and there were like MIRRORS on top of the staircase so we stared at ourselves walk up? and it was pretty freaky! Found some calligraphy place and some guy was staring at us weirdly so we ran back down. HAHAHA. Eventful sia.
And hannah left for training and claire and I went to shop for sharlene's bday present and she found some really cool bball shoes (adidas) so she decided to get them like on the spot. Hahaha. And claire really loves jackets. It's quite funny I think. Haha! So we were really scared that we would get scolded for going late for training (but it was optional and stuff) but when we finally got back at 4 sth or 5 they were all not training either!! I mean sec 3s. Haha.

If that sounds like I'm in a good mood, NO i'm not ok.

Well. At least today's homework is enjoyable. It's like full lit - LOTR, LOTF. Pretty cool huh. Oh. Who am I kidding. K fine it's better than like CHINESE or CHEM or PHYSICS. YUCK!

I will survive I will survive I will survive! Just 13 hours to breakfast time!!!! I CAN DO IT!
K goodbye.
*SLAP.

sleeping at 3am on a school night/MORNING
Hello. I'm just really awake now and since I was here to print SS, decided to come online for a while in the hope that there'd be people to talk to. But there're few people online. I mean, few of the ones I usually talk to. Anyway. Guess what. I slept at 3am on tuesday morning!!! (it's officially wednesday morn 1222 am now.) 3 AM!!!!! What an accomplishment! So proud of myself (: I stayed up studying geog and doing SS (extremely last minute. Forgot all about it and it was due yest) and then talked to people online for a while. Then did QT for quite a long time to seize the opportunity of being AWAKE. Then was still SO AWAKE after that I decided not to waste it away cause chances like that are rare, really rare now, so I read LOTR. Was about to go to bed when I looked at the clock and realised, 2.17am. OH GOSH. This is seriously marvellous. And I was STILL VERY AWAKE!! And so, I decided to still NOT sleep, and read LOTF this time. And I tell you, reading about beasties and snake-things at 2am on a morning of the 7th month is seriously not a good idea. No no no. But ah well. I wasn't that freaked out cause it was just beasties and not like real ghosts so yes.
WHAT. I just rambled about sleeping at 3am. Nuts.
People are suffering and feeling sad and I'm here blogging about random stuff. WHERE HAS MY HEART GONE TO.

Change.
Inevitable's usually the first word that comes to my mind when I think of change.
I'm SURE gonna write a poem on CHANGE. Really. It's necesary.
But is change really inevitable? Can anything done to stop it? To avoid it?
It's sad to see people arond me change. And seeing myself change...it's not just sad. It's scary, frightening, worrying, and I don't know how and whether I should stop it. But that's a different point. About people changing.
More than half a year has passed, last year's more than half a year ago now. And the changes I've witnessed in these months are too much to handle. Friends have changed, school life has changed, I have changed, my life has changed. Teenage life is kinda abstract to try to understand yes. Oh whatever. I don't wanna be an average emo angsty kiddo of a teen. Extraordinary's the word. Out of the league's the phrase.
Things change.
People change.
Situations change.
The world changes.
But does your heart ever change?