25 September 2006
10:37 PM
dear Lord,
I come before You today with a humbled heart, on bended knees and willing spirit to BEG You to give me this chance to go for the end-year mission trip.
Not because all my friends are going.
Not because they sympathise with me.
Not because of favouritism.
Not because of my countless pleas.
Not because I'm disappointed to tears.
Not all that, Lord. None of that.
But let me go, PLEASE let me go for the one reason, that is the REASON I wanna go. Why I wanna go is beacuse I wanna MAKE A DIFFERENCE, I wanna reach out and help and save the LOST, the BROKEN, the hungry, the thirsty, the people who NEED You Lord, and are nothing without You. I wanna bring smiles upon their faces and add cheer to their hearts, to liven their spirit and fill them with immense hope. Lord, I don't wanna live a selfish life, I wanna live for OTHERS, for those young kids at
.
Talk, talk, talk. What's the point of talk? What's the point of SAYING that I wanna go do something? What's the point of declaring my love for others and my wish to save them? What's the point of writing my life motto (make a difference, live for others) all over my books and diaries and journals? Lord, I wanna HELP. In ACTION. I wanna DO something and not just stay in my comfort zone and look upon those scenes with pity and sadness and sympathy. What's the point of that?! WHAT?! I don't wanna be one of the billions in the world who has the hands, the feet, the eyes, the ears, the voice, the ABILITY to reach out, yet withdraw their selfish limbs and shun the ones who need the most attention, LOVE and care. Lord, I really wanna live up to my motto and I see this as a PERFECT opportunity glimmering right before my eyea and yet, for the stupidest reason that I signed up too late, I have to be kicked out of the team. Honestly, Lord, I'm having trouble, lots of trouble accepting that.
Yet, God, AS YOU WILL, not as I will. I admit I have no power over my life, and ultimately it isn't for me to decide what I get and don't get. I have no right to say I deserve to go for this trip more than some of those who can go. I have no power to change what is happening and turn back time and put my name on the list. No. But Lord, You are sovereign, You're in control of my life.
If You did not plan for me to go for it this year, let me accept that and learn my lesson not to procrastinate.
If You want me to wait another year (after more than a year of patient waiting), let me wait even more patiently and at NO time call You unjust or complain, Lord.
If You don't think I'm ready to go and thus didn't open this door for me, let me learn what being ready is until the next opporunity arrives. Let this be a lesson of FAITH, that You've always got better plans for me, as much as I fail to see that.
If all the others deserve to go more than I do, let me humbly accept that and learn how to be deserving of the chance to go. Let me not eye them with jealousy and hatred, but sincere joy and gratitude that at least, someone is going in my place.
Lord, if I wasn't meant to go, please help me accept that fact.
Help me accomplish whatever - everything - I can do to help myself be able to go, and SURRENDER the rest into Your hands. Help me be willing to follow and have FAITH in YOUR PERFECT plans. And most of all, Lord,
help me be HUMBLE.
And no matter what the result is, whether I get to go for it or not, I thank You, Lord, and bless your name for I trust in Your decision.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
