04 November 2006
9:45 PM
other-centrednessthe PEAKS profile says i'm not other-centred enough. and not empathetic enough. sigh, maybe it's true after all. but why?
WHY?
how?
i WASN'T trying to cheat your feelings, k. never was. i do care for you, loads. and whatever i said to you that day was NOT A LIE. i'm sorry the REASON i called you was a lie, but it is true i care. i really really do care for you, and you may not believe me and that's too bad for me, but i'm sorry and you
really do matter LOADS to me and i want to help you. what can i say, i screwed up. i guess i deserve it if you believe me no longer.
i stink at basketball. i'm out of shape, my shots are all way off, my stamina is nowhere to be found, my running has, run away to timbaktu(howdoyouspellthat). i screwed up last training, and today was no diffrence, if at all, it would be that i just got worse. which is sooooo encouraging. i don't wanna lag behind. i don't want the same thing that happened in jan06 to happen again this time. it's our last year, everyone will be given a chance, i suppose. but i don't wanna get in for THAT reason, i wanna get in cause i deserve that place. i don't wanna be a benchwarmer either. NONONONO.
being in ICYL OC is not gonna be of any help. missing training on monday again. and like EVERY training for the 2 weeks after that?! CANNOT! i'm gonna find a way to escape, i MUST. don't care that it's compulsory.
BASKETBALL IS MORE IMPORTANT.somehow, today blogging isn't helping.i need to catch up on:1. basketball2. spiritual growth (if there's even such a thing as "catching up")and i need to be more SELFLESS and ENCOURAGING.oh geez. honestly, i was pretty surprised that i was soooooooooooo low on the encouraging scale. ARGH. MAYBE I'M A FAILURE AFTER ALL. ADMIT IT, CHERYL.i need to find my talent. that one thing i'm a cut above the rest at. that i can SHINE in, and outshine others. that i do better at than any other thing.been searching for so long, without results. i'm starting to believe that "everyone definitely has at least one talent" is a LIE, A HORRID HORRID LIE. a jack of all trades and a master at none. I NEED TO STOP SCREWING UP EVERYTHING I DO.argh why isn't this helping?!! i think i need to talk to God.BUT ARGH?!!!!!!!!! I'M TOO FRUSTRATED?!
