11 February 2007
3:47 AM
there's a plan to make all of this right.staying up every saturday night has turned into a norm for me. in fact, it's a necessity, one which i am both ashamed and proud of.
i don't know what you call this - emo-ing? that's just this general term used whenever people can't decide whether they are sad/upset/depressed/frustrated/irritated/just-wanna-be-alone etc. and emo was originally an adjective, but it has even evolved into a verb as well now. just take a look at what our generation is doing to the english language. but that's beside the point. back to the definition of emo. i don't know what it is either, so i shall just conclude that
this staying up and gradual inclination towards alone-ness is NOT = emo-ing. it's possibly just me trying to get to know myself better and sort things out in peace.
i thought i hate being alone, but i thought wrong, and i don't know whether it's a good thing and i'm scared it isn't.they say all this is a
phase. means it had a beginning and has an ending too. sometimes, i hate the word phase. i like some things to stay the way they are and never change. leave the starting part, maybe, but take away the ending, cause i want it to go on forever. it's not just about happiness, really. cause these
phases teach you to enjoy sadness as well.
i'm not a good writer. so i don't understand why some people used to say i am and some still do and sometimes i even try to pretend to myself that i am.
some people are really good at attracting people to their blog and thus others don't stop reading that person's blog and will even bug him/her to blog once entries stop appearing for a few days.
i don't know what mine is and it probably is subjective anyway, but it's not a matter of great importance to me anyway.
i really don't want to die with regrets. but i don't know how to live without regrets either. i know my life isn't God-centred enough and much of it is spent satisfying worldly desires yet i'm not stopping myself. i actually think this is fulfilling. i don't know why i'm like that.
i've never had a best friend for as long as i can remember. i miss having one, really. and i don't even know what it feels like now to have a best friend, cause primary school friendships are so different from current ones.
"some are running scared." i'm some.
and when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair remember, it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home.thank you, you. you may not know it, but i really appreciate our togetherness, our friendship, our closeness. you've made a significant difference in my life and i must really thank you tonnes and tonnes for everything.
