God's child
dance
music
basketball
loves people!!! :D

"let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." hebrews 10:23

live for others. make a difference.

i will not publish for this period lest i cause further damage.
please smack me if i do.

TOP 8 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO ME NOW
1. AT LEAST YOU GOT INTO FINALS / SECOND / ONLY LOST BY 3, ETC. (HI THERE, FINALS MEANS NOTHING. THANKYOUVERYMUCHNOWBYEBYE.)
2. SO, HOW DID YOUR GAME GO? (ULTIMATE SLOWNESS / LACK OF OBSERVANCE)
3. AT LEAST YOU GUYS ALREADY FOUGHT YOUR BEST. (OOOOOOOOOOH, THAT’S ENOUGH.)
4. THERE’S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR / A DIV (MY FOOT LA WHAT NEXT YEAR. WHAT’S THERE NEXT YEAR. THERE’S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR FOR WHAT.
5. STOP MOPING LA / DON’T BE SO SAD LA / OEI, STOP BEING SO EMO LA (EXCUSE ME. TRY PUTTING YOURSELF IN MY SHOES AND SEE WHAT YOU’LL HAVE TO SAY.)
6. AYE, YOU LOST TO ANDERSON AH. (FREAKING PERSON YOU SCORE FULL MARKS FOR NO EQ.)
7. COME ON LA, IT’S NOT THAT BAD. (NOT THAT BAD EH? NOT THAT BAD? SHUT UP AND GET LOST.)
8. ARE YOU OKAY? (UNLESS YOU KNOW HOW TO ASK THIS QUESTION APPROPRIATELY, THERE’RE A MILLION OTHER WAYS OF SHOWING ME YOU CARE.)

GOD, WHY?

when the darkness closes in Lord
still i will say
blessed be the name of the Lord

they say living in the past only makes you sadder, makes you miss the beauty of the present.
well it's not as easy as it sounds.
sometimes you just really yearn to go back. even though you know it's not possible, you spend all energy on trying to relive those moments that have long gone, you force yourself to remember every tiny detail about the past that you wish to bring back here and now, you see the faces of people you loved so much but have disappeared from sight.
and perhaps, this is not such a waste of time. it makes you both miserable and happy, and i think it's worth that bit of happiness.
when these people are so special to you.

all you people, keep calling me emo. :( ok lorrrr, i am maybe. but different k. at least mine's conscious and trying to avoid kind of emo. or maybe others are too. but my emo's not to get attention, it's simply an expression of true (or not) feelings. it's stupid to try to get attention by being emo. EMO IS UNCOOL.

FINALS!!! WHEEEZAH.
thank God thank God thank God.
i do NOT believe that our good placings were mere results of "good luck".
no way.
cause there's a God up there watching over and being in control all of our matches. it was He who brought us through the entire season to this point when we're so close to being national champs. NOT LUCK. i don't believe in luck. i believe in God's plan.
i <3 you team, we're gonna make history together.
:)

i can't figure out whether one tree hill (and a lot of other things) makes me happily sad or sadly happy. i think it's sadly happy.

i can't figure out why i blog less often now. lost interest? maybe. but it's more of having little/nothing to blog about, or i just don't feel like blogging if i have anything to blog about, or i seldom come online (which actually doesn't sound very true).

i think this is gonna sound REALLY emo: my hand, toe, lip, and leg are all bleeding. seriously. haha. hand: i fell down, toe: i ripped our my toenail, lip: i peeled it, leg: i scratched it so hard the skin came out.
eew right. maybe i really engage in self-mutilating activites. but HEY, I'M NOT EMO OKAY. i mean, even if i were (though i wouldn't like to classify it as emo, cause emo has a certain urm, connection with angst which i am NOT), this bleeding thing is not a result of it, it isn't linked at all. ISN'T!

this is just another of my random things to say kind of blogpost, when i have absolutely nothing better to do.

i just got about 30+ new songs over this week! :D really really happy. songs make me really happy.

i love you with all my heart, but why do you never feel the same about me?

"You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it. God, I love this game."

i wonder how long a person can let something bug her. how long it takes before she realises how useless it is, or finds something else - something bigger - to worry about, or she gets tired of worrying about it. and i wonder how the people around her survive having to constantly deal with her unpredictable outbursts of, so-called, wonderment.
(note: no gender bias intended in using the female noun here.)


imagine if your life was taken away in the next moment.
what would the last thought you'll have before entering the other world be?
who would you wish to see at that last second before you shut your eyes forever?
what would you wish with all your heart you could do just before leaving?

really, there're countless things i wish to do before i die - dreams to fulfill, goals to achieve, places to go, people to relate with, people to get to know better, promises to keep, sorrys and thank yous to pay back...
but you just can't do all that in one day. maybe not one week, not one month, i don't know.

but for the record, i wanna shout out to every single one of you who've made a difference in my life, here, now. thing is, i can't help not remembering every one's name for these 16 years, as significant as you might have been years ago. i'm sorry. but i want you to know that i thank you for that difference you made, and i appreciate that part you played in my entire life a lot. :)

first of all, my team. alina athena claire jamie joelynn nata olly sihui yen. i'll be honest. 4 years ago when i first came in, i hated basketball. i mean, the cca, and everyone in it. i hated myself for joining and every training i dragged my feet there slapping myself for not joining something else where i would have fit in.
turns out, i was meant to stay and here i am still, with a 180deg turn of mindset towards everything about rgsbasketball. i love you guys so much, i love the sport, i love this dream we're fighting for together, i love this legacy we're, step by step, building upon the name of rgs basketball.
sometimes you do need to suffer the pain at the beginning before you embrace the beauty of the outcome.
imagine if i'd quit in january04.
i really wanna thank you guys for bringing me here and making my 4 years so filled with meaning.
it's the kind of feeling when context is unheard of - what matters is only the people you're living that moment with. i love you all :)

my clique (excuse the negative connotations of that word). vinna rowena kaiyan joy. more affectionately known as vin, ro, ky, joy. or even more affectionately known as funkybanana, spasticated, djinni, and poohbear :) i could go on, but i'll stop.
each of us came in in sec1 a total noob, lost, lonely, afraid. it took a while before we started finding our little partners - probably the only person in the school you ever talked to then - then forming little gangs, and slowly getting to know everyone.
5 of us, i bet we'll find it hard to forget how we came together. and our green books, black books, recesses and lunches, outings, card games, pt's, inside jokes (full of them)...
that was 2 or 3 years ago and they might seem like memories that have been lost on a boat that's drifted off towards the horizon with no rope to be pulled back, but let's think about now. not about what's gone, about what can't be taken back, about the pain in seeing all these memories slip away and never return. let's treasure the remaining months we have here - still in the same school and merely 1 or 2 classes away from one another, and make them special in a different way from how it was like in sec 1 and 2. what's gone can't be taken back, but what we have in our hands can be turned into something beautiful, if we choose to.
i love you guys very very much too, and i can safely say, something great would have been missing in my sec school life without a single one of you.

my closest church friends. charmaine sarah priscilla gek khim fiona dawn pearly amadea lizgan peggy dancia yvonne faith linxin. thank you for walking with me in my spiritual life, for teaching me lessons you don't just pick up on the streets, for all the fun that you've added to my many years in BPMC.
just seeing you broadens a smile on my face. :)

teachers! (not all are worthy of hate :P) starting from primary school - mdm kwek/mrs lim, mrs au, ms jenny ng, ms huang, mr ang, ms chang, mrs kong, ms norhana, mdm ezlin, ms winnie ng, ms ang, mr ravi, mr samsuri (my word, i actually remember all their names.) sec sch - mr ong, mrs lim, mr ganesh, ms tan(relief chem and math teacher in sec 1), mr connolly, mrs ho, mrs yue, ms doreen tan, ms tong.

mr ang! wow, you're so special you get an INDIV shoutout. haha. cause i can't place you in any mentioned category.
thank you for believing in me, being willing to help me want to strive to be the best player i can. for all the chances you gave me, trusting me to seize them properly(even though sometimes i didn't), for developing whatever potential i had. thank you for fighting with our team for 3 years, for sharing our dream and being equally passionate about what we're all fighting for, and taking on the immense responsibility of being the driver pushing us there.

becky. for being my confidant in sec 1, for convincing me to stay, for encouraging me with bible verses and quotes in those letters. it did make a huge huge difference to me, and even now i can't think of sec1 without recalling the important role you played in it. thank you :) and i miss you loads and loads, we all do. but i guess we all learn to move on, holding on to that little left that we've got. but little's better than none, and we can still prevent that little from slipping away like the rest did. we'll always love you and be here for you; you were and always are part of our batch, part of our team.
<3.

108'04 and 208'05. dudes! i miss you all so much! all the crap we went through, the stupid things we fought over, the tears we cried that somehow always centred around words like: bonding, class spirit, hype...the soaring noise levels every recess, the crazy running about in class like nobody's business, the inter-class relays, netcarn...
we never loved one another in sec1, i know. but that makes it all the sweeter when at the end of sec2, we finally learnt to. fantastic closure. thank you so much for that. :)

is your worth calculated by how much you mean to each person around you?

this is my new favourite book: nineteen minutes, by jodi picoult.
beautifully written.
compelling.
riveting.
it's so real, and the way she surfaces the most subtle yet common issues of life (esp adolescence) and human relationships in simple analogies that speak to you as though she could see right through all of our skins.
i love such books.

was jodi picoult born a good writer? or did she learn it in her post-teenage years?

maybe i'm a sad person.
(think of "sad" in more than one definition.)

"thank you," she whispered. Two words so often misused and misunderstood, two words that could change the life of someone who would, at last, choose the unconventional way, choose to mean these two simple and complicated words.