10 June 2007
12:58 AM
currently i am:very irritated AND INSULTED by my gpa.
tired and sleepy and should go sleep soon.
quite motivated to commit to full-time mugging like i used to do. yes, the mugging which got me nowhere in the end, which never helped produce awesome results, which always failed me, always rendered all my effort and insane hardwork useless and wasted, always made LOW EQ PEOPLE say things like,"aye, how come you mug so hard still get about the same marks as me ah? hahaha! whoaaaa, thank God i didn't mug so hard leh, waste time only..."etcetc.
and i want to smash them to the ground with one blow but yes violence gets you nowhere but ya you know. it's just the boiling fury at that moment and actually every moment that you think back about it. continue - yes, the mugging that always gets my hopes up highhighhigh before the exams and then fails me the minute i step into the exam hall cause why? i lack exam intelligence, i can't take stress, i can't work under exam conditions, i just don't answer questions precisely, i lack this i lack that, i'm not competent enough, i'm just NOT THERE YET, etcetc. yes, the mugging that i told myself to stop doing since for years it has gotten me nowhere and
everywhere around me there're people who don't try half as hard but get more than twice my marks. (is it unfair, or is it unfair.) i have come to the point where i have absolutely NO IDEA what i'm supposed to do just to get the desired results. results that'll get me
somewhere. whether i mug or not, i never do well. so, if i mug, i'll just be wasting my time. but if i don't mug, i can't say that i tried my best. therefore. what should i do?
i have concluded that i can't survive in singapore. i was not made to be here. and definitely not made to ace exams. and well, if you want to be someone in singapore you have to ace exams. therefore because i am in singapore and i cannot ace exams, i am no one.
I FEEL EXCRUCIATINGLY INSULTED BY MY GPA!WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST ME, THAT YOU JUST CAN'T RETURN ME WHAT I DESERVE FROM WHAT I GIVE?
