12 June 2007
10:43 PM
next-to-bestcold.
like the snowballs we used to fling at me
as both of us would shriek in laughter,
falling to the ground.
clutching each other's stomachs.
distant.
like the leaves we used to point at from
inside our room, gazing out the window.
whispering our dirty little secrets .
the leaves,
weren't they so high up there.
but now i've come to learn
that we just weren't.
if you don't come then i won't wait
for something that's only next-to-best.
you claim it's nothing but it's not like
eraser dust that you just scrape into the bin.
we just weren't, and if i'd known better
i wouldn't have promised.
it's okay, i'll stop waiting
for something that's only next-to-best.
gone.
not onto that yet, maybe reaching.
i'd say it was worth the try, we got somewhere.
and i'd say i love you and thank you for
what we did have
but you're gone,
and i've come to learn that
we just weren't.
if you don't come then i won't wait
for something that's only next-to-best.
you claim it's nothing but it's not like
eraser dust that you just scrape into the bin.
we just weren't, and if i'd known better
i wouldn't have promised.
it's okay, i'll stop waiting
for something that's only next-to-best.
i'll stop waiting
for something that's only next-to-best.
a morning with you at the pianowe sat,
talked about all the things
non-lovers and lover could talk about
smiled at the mention of previous conversations
laughed at silly flowers, pretty trees,
watched the way the wind fell upon the leaves
to stir a gentle rustle, swish of leaf,
a flower falling.
grey clouds made their way across, waving at us
through the window wide open.
i smiled
and you turned to me to smile back.
it began to rain.
these stepsthese steps lead you nowhere, he said.
you'll climb forever,
you'll lose your way.
you'll give up halfway but
there's no looking back.
you'll be alone, terrified,
wishing you'd never begun.
you'll curse yourself,
pause to see emptiness ahead,
emptiness behind.
you'll wish to turn back,
but there's no turning back.
will you climb these steps with me?
unawakeningwe always wonder about dreams.
those scenes that sneak into our minds and
wrap themselves around as swirling thoughts
in our semi-consciousness.
upon awakening, we hover in midway state,
mind and body stumble upon each other as they
materialise in darkness, in light.
we lie in our rooms staring at our ceilings as though
enlightenment could be found beyond the constraints
of such obstructive structures.
crystallise, maybe.
dreams play dough and mould themselves into
forms of their liking, that so coincidentally
matches our psychological state of being.
you'd think dreams were made of the same material-
brain mush.
tonight, you and me.
we're lying on soft cushions whispering
in the dark
about the crystallisation of dreams,
like soft shells of fluorescence mingling in the
pale blue light.
shimmering in the gentle glow of the night stand
you gave me years ago.
in this world there is no difference between
'want' and 'don't want'.
all is real.
we sit and watch the bubble of light
float up and down in its own serenity
in the lava lamp
as slowly,
the darkness pulls us down,
down,
down
into the land of the unawakened.
ok. seriously, all my poems now have evolved into verbal ranting. just like blogging. which is the only reason i put them up. they're of measly standard, only first-drafts and yes simply, ranting. i hope my writing gets back in shape. quality, quality. that's what you're aiming for, cheryl.
i'm sad all the time and i can't figure out why.
