God's child
dance
music
basketball
loves people!!! :D

"let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." hebrews 10:23

live for others. make a difference.

"Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.'"

highway
watching the miles stretch ahead of us on a bending black belt,
green plantations rolling by like a camera film and never returning,
making silent, somtimes one-way conversation with those around me
whom i loved, whom i knew but hardly knew,
feeling trapped in the fidgety comfort of my seat,
racking my brains over the wretched state of my semi-existent seatmate,
the events taking place behind me an entirely different, related world,
contemplating a sad knowing that no destination was a true ending,
shutting out the world with a playlist of three songs on repeat on my ipod,
aimlessly watching the endless miles stretch ahead of us,
i was lulled to sleep in the fidgety comfort of my seat.

in some strange way, i kinda miss the rgbball trip. or rather, my mind just keeps flitting to certain images of those 4 days and it feels surreal to be back in this world so normal and real here, back home.
i can't wait to get back to work. most of you would think i'm nuts or something, a workaholic of sorts but nah, i explained before didn't i? work gets my mind off things. and i do enjoy it per se anyway (: plus i have ro!! why wouldn't it be enjoyable? (:

i am blogging so much it's prety uncanny.

sometimes i really enjoy reading others' blogs. and admire their writing style as well. writing is so beautiful, it is. i'm glad i'm in the CAP community (:

hahahaha honestly, i was more amused than anything at claire's reply. i wasn't exactly expecting it though i knew it was quite clearly the duh-est answer to my question. i just wasn't ready to see it spelt out right in front of my face, like that. and from my own best friend. the one person i trust the most,the first one i seek advice from when i need it. haha. yeah well, i just totally didn't see it coming so up to now i'm still pretty shaken.
still. i know. i know it's the obvious choice, i just don't have the guts to do it.
sometimes i think my heart is way too much like a pillow. for you to punch, squish, throw around, do whatever you like with it when you feel like it, all it does is provide you a whole lot of comfort. and when you're jubilant, there it is for you to squeeze so tightly in excitement. or when you need a hug really badly but are alone in your room, once again there it is for you to squeeze as tightly as the eyelids you've shut in an attempt to stop the flow of tears that will flood if left unchecked. as for the pillow, sooner or later it will lose its softness, shrink in size and be much less huggable. that's when you decide you have no use for it, and you dump it in the ditches or just throw it into the closet.
so. i am pillow-hearted and not few people have urged me to stand up for myself, be stronger, fight harder. stop letting people climb all over my head.

on a different note. we lost to TP today, by 2 points. held a lead of up to 7 points in the 1st half, after which they caught up and the gap hardly changed but we never got ahead again. i was feeling suuuper tired the entire match, died within the first few minutes of the game, and hardly lasted through most of the match.
AND I FREAKING LET THE BALL SLIP THROUGH MY HANDS FOR THE AWESOMEST, MOST WELL SET-UP PLAY AND GREATEST CHANCE TO SCORE. i hate myself so much sometimes. i'm sorry, team.
we could have beat them flat if we were on form. everyone was just so drained from the trip. it's sad to see it gone, wasted like that. i hope the next few matches will be way better.

was thinking of the song run to me by clay aiken, but decided not. it's not worth it.

it's 3am and i'm not sleepy at all and this feels like the night after that Autofocus match last year which we won combined. i'm not entirely bothered by the match, but more like quite a lot of things that i can't quite pinpoint, or would rather not.

what does it feel like to have no one to talk to, i wonder?

it really, really, really hurts. (this is not in answer to that question)

and the person i wanna talk to the most now needs to sleep. i won't say no. we have so much to talk about, but.
(and everyone else whom i was talking to is either gone or not replying, which probably = gone as well.)
selflessness sometimes = loneliness, i suppose. goodnight.
thanks yen and olly and sherwin for talking to me tonight (: and charmaine and claire, too.