20 December 2007
11:56 PM
if you place your happiness in things that do not last, your happiness will not last either.i have concluded, the Father's love is the greatest of all. why search for earthly pleasures which pass away with our body? we have treasures stored up in heaven, ready and waiting for us to rise up and inherit them from our Father. why spend your entire life looking for that sense of acceptance and love that can never be found here in this fallen world? our Heavnly Father sent His only Son to die as an atonement for our sins. what more could we ask for? his love is perfect. unconditional. never changing. He has prepared a home in a perfect place for us, together with His host of angels and the One himself. we do not belong here, we were made to live with Him forever. why waste our life worrying about and wishing for what we think we lack? in Him we have all we need.
i want to thank God for my batch. (in alphabetical order for fairness) alina athena claire jamie joe nata olly sihui yen I LOVE YOU! had a great time with them baking our juniors' mudpie (which was delicious, btw, no kidding (: ), and playing TABOO!! at the gathering. i've never had such a fun bunch of people to play taboo with before. it was. hilarious. like. anything. and it's a good game to improve your vocab too (:
and then i walked home! from yew tee mrt! which is like 5min away by train but i managed to stroll so well that i took about 1h 15min to get home haha. i love the night air. especially during the colder season!
guess i should stop forcing myself to think. quiet doesn't mean thoughtful. it might mean a quietening of the mind and heart as well.
i remember last week i was working full shift on one of the days and in between, i had nothing to do so i just aked my manager for a piece of blank A4 paper and i started counting my blessings and listing them. let me tell you it feels good. (: i have much to thank God for.
though i still hate myself in too many ways.
i am an optimistic pessimist.and
it hurts to smile.2 or 3 things to add to my new year's resolutions:
1. i will stop peeling my nails
2 i will stop being so FREAKING NAIVE and trusting people so easily for what they say
3. (tentative) i will stop trying to be a hero. seriously.
this christmas doesn't feel like christmas. i don't know why :(
sometimes the simplest things make me the happiest. sometimes i ask for too much. other times i expect really little and that's when i get hurt easily, when people start
underestimating undermining/misinterpreting my expectations i mean. sometimes i think too much about nothing and everything. sometimes i get really retarded. sometimes i cause my own hurt. sometimes i give up. sometimes i'm delirious and people think i'm 24/7 cheerful.
sometimes most of the time i don't understand. sometimes i think i'm really a huge idiot.
and most of the time,
i still hate you.
