God's child
dance
music
basketball
loves people!!! :D

"let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." hebrews 10:23

live for others. make a difference.

ex-rgs basketball, <3

I MISS YOU, BATCH MATES.

You are my strength
strength like no other
strength like no other
reaches to me

You are my hope
hope like no other
hope like no other
reaches to me

today as i was walking past the gathering area near the bubble tea shop with streeters, this whush of nostalgia just came pouring over me. that was probably the last lunch i ever had (out) with chorale people. it was that saturday a number of us ate at the foodcourt (where we realised the food was so freakin ex geee), then went to hang around at the bubble tea area for a while. then fried and i walked alllll the way to the some ulu bus-stop to take his 157, cause i was going to church for worship prac. so we had a long walk, and a long bus journey, and thus a long talk, which was nice (: i like talks like that. oh and there was that weeeirded - wait, i can't remember whether it was an old man or woman - on the bus who kept scolding us in mandarin >< anyway. i don't know why i remember it so vividly, but i just do. maybe i knew. and the weeks before that were those we (j1s) spent sitting in a circle at Top-of-the-Eight having lunch after prac. oh and that was when louis was still around (not that he died -.-, but was still in chorale, i mean). okay i am ranting.

if you wallow in self-pity all the time, could it be termed self-indulgence?
where do you draw the line.

sometimes i'm delirious with joy. sometimes i just feel like shutting myself out from the world.

i loved last night, twas spent with half my batch - nata olly sihui yen - at the rgs bbq. camwhored like mad, *grins*, took very awesome and hilarious jumpshots, sang chasing cars countless times, lay on the courts at night like we always used to, walked along the track (short distance only though). it's as though they'll always remain a miracle batch, cause my sore throat seemed to disappear after the night, despite my sneaking brownies into my tummy :P and all that shouting/screaming/trying to raise my voice. i love them, so much.
i never got over finals, i doubt any of them did. but now they're gonna win A div and well. i won't be part of it. and mr ong was telling them yesterday about how jc's the peak of one's growth as a player - individually and as a team. cause of the chemistry built over the years of playing, training together and all.
all the best to rjc girls' basketball, anyway (: they'll always be my batch and i'll always love them the same.

guess i figured out the reason i've been so moody the past few days.
i don't feel the same about street anymore. and that has got to be one of the terriblest feelings to have right now.

worship prac today was great. fiona and peggy were there too, cause they had just finished dg before our prac. had fun jamming and singing and playing mastermind/watching them play mastermind (that's what you get when you've just graduated from uni and chucked away the books but still feel the forces of attraction toward them...) thanks eugene kenneth eve! (:

okay my head is starting to feel wonky i don't know what i've achieved out of this post, don't even see the flow of thoughts or whatever, bad post. goodnight.

gut-wrenching.

"why let your position define you?"

all they do is snap.

"but it's not just that."

it still is the same.

"REJECT."

you're stuck, alone.

"EXTRA"

all you can do is stand by the side and,

watch.

omg
it's over.

):

i heard one of the most hilarious stories on earth this morning xD
during dg we were talking about uh, can't remember what? something along the lines of the depth of our relationship as a small group but anyway, aunty laiwah suddenly recalled something i said in the hotel van that carried me to the hospital in batam last year (after my very very very very amusing fall and head injury :D). apparently i was so worried about the consequences of hitting the ground right smack on the right side of my head and getting a lightning-shaped gash that smeared blood all over my hand when i touched it, that i asked,
"oh no, am i still gonna be able to go to rj??!!" (O.O)
"what is 1 + 1?"
"2"
"ah, then you can go to rj (:"
"but aunty laiwah!! my exam questions are not that easy leh!"
*everyone blinks*

hahahahahaha.

yea. sometimes i forget i ever had that accident. yet it never fails to make me smile (: and sometimes it still hurts slightly if i hit/rub that spot on my head. hoho. what an experience indeed.


abstaining from chilli has got to be the most impossible of all the things on the list of things we have to cut form our diet!! aaahhh i cannot do without chilli ))): oh and teehee confession: this afternoon i popped 2 TINY calbee hot and spicy chips into my mouth, and almost immediately i could feel my throat heating up. whoooops! :P strictly no more of such till tuesday night. too bad cause tonight my mum's cooking noodles and i usually eat the hot and spicy mushroom one! yumyum. SELF-CONTROL.

AAAAHHHH I'M GOING TO MISS CHORALE A LOT A LOT A LOT :(

You are the everlasting God, the everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You raise me up on wings like eagles

3 more days.
what i'm feeling is a mix of bubbling excitement, eager anticipation, and a dreadful sense of foreboding. (wait, can you feel a sense of foreboding? ah, whatever.) i've never stepped into an esplanade concert hall before - not something i'm proud of at all - much less perform in one. whenever i think about it i get all happily jittery inside (: i'm thoroughly thankful and glad i get to perform, even though it means ZERO commitment to street for a short period of time :S

it's that kind of feeling when you can't wait for it to come, but you totally can wait for it to be over. you just wish to meet the moment, and when it finally does, you want it to last forever. i really wonder what concert night will be like. and the worst part, post-concert. the hugs, the smiles, the flowers and gifts, the buzzing spirit in the air, and finally, the farewells, the going home, the dawning upon me that
that marks the end of my life as a chorale member.

every time mr toh calls for the tour group to gather to practise and the few of us sit aside, i find myself imagining what it'd be like if i'd chosen to stay in chorale, and if i were going for the trip. poland, whattheheck. i always wanted to go to europe. and i try to imagine what chorale's gonna be like later this year, how my batch will bond and all especially after the trip. what will it be like to step into lt4 as a visitor instead of a member? to watch them sing and not sing along? i hope they continue the chorale table tradition/practice.
and every time they sing o magnum... it gives me that sense of calm, the kind of mood where you just immerse yourself totally in the music and shut out every other part of your life for the moment. it really is beautiful. plus the fact that i can actually imagine them singing in a cathedral, with the towering ceilings and stained glass and surround sound and whatnot (:

i am going to miss chorale immensely. the people (strangely, or perhaps not so, more the j2s than the j1s cause i'm closer to them), the songs, and just, being part of the choir.

it's really amazing how far we've come since the beginning of the year, in terms of, everything. and i believe concert will be awesome. (:

there won't even be much time to feel all sad over this cause once concert's over, the next day's wednesday which means official street prac. which i obviously cannot miss since i've been missing street for the past 2 weeks (though only 2 official pracs in total). well i guess i'll get over it pretty quickly, considering that time i said every minute i spend with streeters makes me one notch surer of my decision (:

many people have said this to me,"you'll always be part of chorale", i can go back and visit anytime, etcetc. yeah. similar to the reason i finally chose 09A03A, i'm very thankful for the 4 months i got to spend with them, which is way better than none at all.

<3

dance night yesterday, wasn't as mind-blowing as i expected. okay honestly, it was pretty disappointing when i thought about it later. not that the performances weren't good, they were. but just not exactly outstanding. not the kind that'd leave your mouth hanging wide open in pure admiration or disbelief, or hold your breath for the entire duration of the performance.. you get what i mean. i'm sorry.

anyway last night i felt one of the strangest of moods. i was at once both very happy and very sad. quite inexplicable. and it was somehow a result of dance night, or everything that happened the entire night/day. so i was lying in bed thinking cause i couldn't fall asleep (or maybe the other way round O.o) but anyway, that was probably why i was so sleepy at the start of prac this morning and couldn't stop yawning. highly irritating. im' really really trying to get as much sleep as possible now till tuesday. seriously my whole life revolves around chorale now, haha. i haven't been doing any work nor dance nor anything but sing and mug scores. exciting eh :D