God's child
dance
music
basketball
loves people!!! :D

"let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." hebrews 10:23

live for others. make a difference.

don't know why i'm blogging so much, really. but i've just been thinking a lot lately. or rather, lately i've had lots more time to pen down (in this case type) my thoughts.
i'd actually planned on an entirely carefree, happy-go-lucky, fun all the way kinda post-CTs weekend. like, my impermanent kind of therapy ie going out 24/7 and only come home to bathe and sleep, such that all your thoughts are forced out of your mind by the distractions of activities and outings. and then even at night before sleeping, you can only think a bit cause you're too tired.
guess it began on the night/morning at charmaine's. know, that period of time when you're first really alert and actively processing thoughts consciously, and then your mind slowly drifts... before you fall asleep. and when i woke up the next day with that really great feeling that i could get up anytime i want and there was an entire day FREE in front of me. when you realise how rare that feeling is, you really begin to appreciate it a lot more. plus, i like the idea of crashing on couches in the living room :) it's just, such a slumber party thing. but that's just a side note.
everyone tells me i think too much. why don't i just, relax and enjoy life? don't think too deeply about anything and everything and bring about misery to my mind. just lay back and let everything come as it comes. trust God. live life. cast aside all my fears and anxiety and doubt.
yea. sometimes i think i should stop thinking so much too. and i wonder why i do. and why i can't help it.
plus, i miss my best friend.
okay this is so an effect of one tree hill. my usual pre-school-reopening therapy.
so school starts again, tomorrow. just another 9 weeks, people. not too long a wait for our one-week "break".
smile more?

INPROMPTU OUTINGS FTW.

i have found my new hidden talent. :DD hahaha. so, story begins. during, and a few days before, the common tests, i think about who i'm gonna go out with to celebrate post-ct's - on thur, fri, and the weekend. realise no one asked me :((( oh wait! ky did, clique outing. yay ky. yeah but besides that, i realised i had no plans. so i thought for a while and decided, ah whateverrr. i'll probably find someone(s) to go out with along the way, or else i'll be content with staying at home and reading/blogging/WRITING/sleeping. yeah it's like, a new me, the one who's the extreme opposite of the girl who used to DIE even if she were to be stuck at home for even an hour. it's not that i was lazy to find a date, it was just, content with staying home. weeeeeird huh.

#1 - thursday
anyway. ct's came and went. on thursday after lit paper everyone totally streamed out of the hall and header for their lockers, intent on starting their little celebration parties anywhere but in school/at home. amidst the crazy crowd (hurray alliteration!) i found louis and sebby, so we discussed the lit paper and our subsequent plans all the way to "sebby's locker". then seb, kenneth, daveen, farhanah had to fly to NUS for pw interview, leaving louis and i to get our bags in his locker and "my locker" (all inverted commas are explained by our placement of bags in lockers not belonging to us xD). found out most of our class was going for other outings not with people within our class (don't get the wrong idea, our class is close, just not in the going-out way - like louis said).
so i met shah and andrea, the latter being the one whose locker was where my bag was. asked them where they were going, they found out i was "going home cause i was date-less", and let me tag along for their outing :DD
met daniel their classmate, then nata at j8. decided i wouldn't go out with them after all cause 1. they were watching a movie, which i did not wanna spend my money on, and 2. if they pooled i could not cause i didn't bring a change of clothes and 3. i had dinner plans with my mum after all.
yep so inpromptu outing no 1 didn't go so well (:

#2 - friday
the plan
(still thursday night) after newyorknewyork dinner with my mum (incredibly sinful and filling, but great all the same :), i went home with an exploding tummy, received a call from selina giving my the shocking news that i was co-leading this sunday so i had to go for prac on friday night :OOO called charmaine (cause we were in the midst of an sms convo and i think enough of you know how much i PREFER CALLS TO MSGES. BY, A LOT. thank you :) and i had to tell her about worship prac too), digressed faaaar from the main topics (being worship prac and outing the next day) as usual, until jeremy came into her room and suggested supper, to which i vehemently agreed (inpromptu outings, rmb??). anyway to cut the long story short, we (charmaine jeremy i) kept talking and talking and digressing for about 1/2 an hour before finally agreeing on supper (it was 2315 then) followed by stayover at their house then outing the next day :DDD
i had to awake my mum just to ask her for permission, whoops ://

supper
so i speed-packed and dashed outta the house to the bus-stop...only to discover that the last bus was 14min before we hung up the phone. -____________-
called charmaine. had a good laugh. jeremy jumped at the chance to drive his parents' car for the 1st time? or at least, w/o his dad's supervision. haha HE WISHED. but that also meant, his mum drove both of them aallll the way to lot1 to pick me up :OO talk about God's love. thank you charmaine's mummy!
i had a nice, though not slow, walk to lot 1 cutting through a housing estate i've never cut through in my life. hoho.
and my phone bat was dyingg.
it felt so terribly awesome (and wrong) to be out at 2345, not on my way home, but on my way away from home :)
supper-ed at al azar, had a good talk and walk with jammy and charmainee, which included how lovely night air is, especially after 2am (with very scientific and factual explanations from the knowledgeable and experienced jammy), interesting bio lessons on can't-remember-what, again conducted by the knowledgeable and experienced jammy, and laughing our heads off at those who were having school the next day :P

stayover
walked back, watched tv for a while, bathed, watched PS I LOVE YOU :))) but jammy "fell asleep" after one super-sweet part :( so it was just charmaine and i watching all the way till the end, before crashing on the couches at 430. at which time i took almost 45min before falling asleep to othello quotes running through my head...
did i mention their living room couches are INSANELY comfortable? so soft and sleepable. hahaha. except that we took a while to figure out our positions.

next morning
kept waking up through the night for some reason, before managing to catch some good sleep. yet in the morning again it happened from 730 to 930 (this time it was my very uncooperative bladder) so i woke up for real.
watched tv and jammy's Tactics to Getting a Piggish Sister Out of Bed, much to my amusement (and slight horror, hahaha), left for town.

lunch and movie
charmaine and i took turns meeting school-mates EVERYWHERE in town - from carl's jr, plazasing, to cathay, to taka. very convenient for typical school-stereotyping conversations, which were pretty fun though :)
watched zohan which was SICK TO THE BONE. it had its humorous bits i admit, but definitely not a show i'd even want to discuss. so, off that topic. couldn't say no to a guy who was emo-ing and leaving for maldives that night with no one sending him off! *sheepish smile*

post-movie (alone!)
charmaine left to meet her friends for some birthday dinner, jammy met his mum and went to the air-port, i went to borders for therapeutic solitary browsing/sitting/thinking :)) i miss borders outings with nata. hi nata-who-doesn't-read-my-blog, haha.

worship prac
met charmaine again to go for worship prac. both of us were exhausted by then, so we slept all the way to church and almost wished we could just stay over in the WOW hall till sat.


spending time with WOW people always makes me so terrifically happy :) and worship prac was a nice closure for the day. thank youu charmainee and jammy!! <333

#3 - saturday
4/5 clique outing!! ro kaiyan joy.

Borders Coffee Bean:
large Belgian chocolate ice blended!! for sweet-toothed people yay :) camwhoring already began here. hahaha.

Borders:
amused ourselves a little with Little Miss and Dr Seuss. then we went over to read funny/retarded/interesting books at the Gift Ideas section, where we found "The Book of Answers" which was, hilarious. you know, the kind where you ask a question and then you flip to any page in the book and there you have it, the answer to the question you've always been dying to find out the answer for!! xD

Ro: Will I get on the dean's list for any subject?
The Book of Answers: Be practical.

Kaiyan: Do I want a boyfriend?
The Book of Answers: It's not worth your money.

Ro: Will joy get here on time?
The Book of Answers: Mishaps can always happen.
SMS to joy: joy dear, please be careful on your way here alright? don't trip don't fall don't get lost don't...

xD

Ikea
Ikea revamped! renovated (and renovating) and changed its layout so much that none of us could recognise it and find our way around, hahaha. lucky thing we were only there for meatballs and random brisk walking around to help ky find presents for e lynn and yanru's bdays. at the restaurant, joy demonstrated her loser-powers shamelessly to us...

Joy: Eh omg!! I can cheryl through the cup!
Me: Maybe it's called a glass for a reason...

Joy: Eh, cheryl's in the middle of the cup!
Ky: Maybe cause you put the cup in the middle of her!

had fun sitting at a high table having dinner and talking, afterwhich we plopped our oversized selves on kiddy beds in the showrooms and camwhored our way through showroom after showroom.

i spent ALL my money today on food alone. including the iceblended. heh.

<3 you guys!! it was awesomeee hanging out with all of you after not having the chance to since, forever. thank you :)) and vinnayip you are joining us the next time i beseech you!

and that was my account of inpromptu outings for the short post-CT period. :DD i don't believe hermits exist. nah, i just find it impossible to perceive myself being/turning into one, ever.

i swear, my blog posts are getting so, maybe too, much longer...

and it's church again tomorrow! (today, tecnically). i have a good life :)
night, peeps.

HI CHERYL.
Has anyone ever told you that you are awesometastic.
BeCUZ (haha pun) you are!

"There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up."
-Lucas, one tree hill

GEOG TEST = GONE. in the "it's over" way as well as the "gone case" way.
i'm dead. really. i came out of the test feeling pretty alright, but after talking to IMBA PEOPLE LIKE LOUIS and referring to my rift valley notes, i realised i probably wrote 1/3 of the required information. ohmytian savemenow :( and human geog. NO TIME NO TIME!!!! same thing, i probably wrote less than 1/2 of what would get me full marks. this is so depressing. i'm seriously gonna train my speed-writing and speed-thinking skills if i'm gonna ace 4 essays within 1 1/2 hours (doesn't that just sound ridiculous?? O.o) by next year.

and math tomorrow, not like i've much hope for it. can you believe it i'm actually blogging when i have a test tomorrow. ??!! well that's cause i was doing AP/GP and it got me sooo frustrated that i gave up and decided to rant here. amazing, the fluctuating frequency of my blog posts. blogging every day in my common test week??!! this is not me.

i'm off, bye! summation and induction here i come!! i know you'll welcome me with open arms but seriously? i'd rather run far far away from you.
2 down 2 to go!! halfway there!!

ki test today! was...fine. okay, the essay (paper 1) was alright, in fact the question was quite easy to tackle but i think my essay was a whole chunk of disorganised and confusing/confused (on my part) information. >< and crit thinking (paper 2)...was like. O.O sums it all. i had NO IDEA what to write, geesh. i looked at the passages i was like. OKAY. here goes nothing. *scribble as much nonsense as i can smoke*
ohwell! it's over.
the main point of this post was actually to blog about dg yesterday :)) that was like, a necessary interlude.

thank you charmaine, priscilla, shermaine, andrea, chanyi. you guys made yesterday's dg session the best ever :) i'd take it as an answered prayer really, and truly God's work, cause just the day before sunday, also the day after worship camp, i was just thinking how wonderful it'd be like to have dg members who were as open to sharing as those in the worship team were. i'd never actually felt what it was really like to be encouraged by the testimonies of others in a group, guess the chance never arrived till thursday/friday. honestly, every time i heard people talking about how their dg strengthened and encouraged them and all that, i'd just well, smile and be happy for them and think, that has never been the case for me, and deep inside me wish really hard that one day our dg would finally turn out like that. yesterday changed my mind :)

we will survive! 1 down 3 to go! peace out!

i need a break. i wish i could go on one of those holiday retreats to some resort and just, sit in the porch/balcony and admire the view. to get away from all the sounds in my life here and forget. leave behind. even if just for a while.
right now i'm just, sick of reality.
we never actually get a holiday, say a great many people. when you're in jc all your "holidays" are in reality study breaks. well, okay, you can choose not to study if you're ready to face the consequences. but that's beside the point. and even if you were to "balance" your time well between study and play, it's not equivalent to a real break from everything. holidays are just a convenient label.
and people always go, life's too short. what are you waiting for? go scale the highest mountain, do the craziest dare you can ever think of, free yourself from those strings you're held back by... but seriously? right, i know those terms are purely figurative but even in the non-fogurative sense, when can you enjoy life, for real? when can you find the time to?
so they'll reply, you don't have to do anything out of the ordinary to enjoy life, life can be enjoyed in the simplest ways - like you can actually have fun studying, or going to school, or something like that. you can enjoy life doing nothing at home, you don't have to be out and about all the time. yes, i agree. but they still haven't answered the question of how you can enjoy life in the other way, that that involves freeing yourself from expectations and norms and just, letting loose.
i guess i'm a big cynic. and some of you would probably go, "duuude, why do you think so much?!!"
well.
all i'm saying is, i really want a break. i don't know when and how i'm ever gonna get the sort of break i'm looking for.

and that is what i spent my last week of the holidays musing over.

reflections on worship camp <3

so blessed i can't contain it
so much i got to give it away
Your love has taught me to live now
You are more than enough for me

more honestly, though,

Stained Glass Masquerade - Casting Crowns
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Chorus x2
Well if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small


today's the last friday of the holidays. it just suddenly struck me, when i was sitting at the bus stop waiting to come home tonight. though of course, nic was a walking timer who at absolutely inappropriate times burst out things like,"3 more days!" and made all of us - at least, those still in sec sch or jc - grooooan.

worship camp was the most un-camp-like camp i've ever been to, for so many reasons like the (tiny) size of our bags, the ultra-flexible schedule, and the free-and-easy attitude we could adopt (like trooping out of church to bathe at 4am?!) but that was exactly what made it so great :D not to mention, we could kinda leave camp and come back at any time we want - what with so many coming and going just within a matter of 2 days 1night! oh and we didn't even bring sleeping bags, we just plopped onto the couches in the worship hall (just enough for the 4 of us who stayed up till 630am).

jamming -
formed the bulk of the activities for the camp. it was, simply, a blast. honestly i've always had a sort-of phobia of jamming, cause firstly, i don't play any instruments at all at an sufficiently adequate level - i can twang around with guitar strings for some songs and play some songs on the keyboard, anyhow bang around on the drums, but that doesn't count - so all i can rely on is my vocals which gets rather boring sometimes xD after this camp i wanna learn BASS BASS BASS and VIOLIN. hahaha, over-ambitious. anyway back to the point, yea jamming was just so awesome!!! with like, a band of about 10-odd people? guitar(s), bass, drums, VIOLIN, the occassional electric guit or even flute, and 3-5 vocals. it's been years since we had enough manpower to work with a team of even half this number.
but more importantly, though, it gave us all a chance to experinent, improvise, innovate (aha i sound like, S21 or sth like that?), and get to know the styles of each musician/WL, with no barriers or restraints cause we were just there to TRY (: i like that spirit. it, well, sets you free. really. (:
i think our team has a lot of potential waiting to be unleashed. praise God (:

bible study/morning devotion/sharing sessions -
was the highlight of the entire camp for me (: this morning's devotion really quietened my heart and allowed me to look deep into my heart and mind and reflect upon the way i've been living my life physically and spiritually. yes it's something i often do, but not as often in the context of bringing God into the picture, unfortunately. sharing sessions were really good, it reminded me again and again that we're all human, we all face struggles, and my own can be terribly trivial compared to a million others. and what i liked especially was the openness of everyone in the group - the willingness to share and the trust in the other members. really heartwarming, and definitely a rare experience for me. i learnt a lot, from the bible, and from the people, and trying to list down the lessons learnt here would do no justice to them, so i shant. but i just really wanna thank God (: and everyone who made a difference my life just within these 2 days: eve, charmaine, jeremy, pleee, fiona, nick han, mei khiun, dancia, eugene, victor, tyrus, kaiheng, kaixiang, georgina, christina.

mugging - (MISSION FAILED)
basically took place for about 1h yest afternoon, last night/this morning from midnight to 4am, with MUSICCC thanks to eve, and indirectly thanks to nat (: and in very short time lapses this afternoon - i was tackling a keyboard, a guitar, the whatchamacallit tribal-ish drums, singing into a microphone, and annotating othello. HAHA.
i'm not proud to say that i accomplished probably less than 30% of what i'd planned on before the camp, but i'm prouder to say that it was totally worth it (: i will trust God, like i told myself during prayer last night and morning d today.

bbq -
highlight was probably zong ji mi ma and bbq-ing marshmallows which stubbornly REFUSED TO TURN GOLDEN-BROWN even when you could see the entire thing liquify and hang precariously from your stick. we were planning to jam (haha HI JAMMY) after dinner but JAMMY couldn't stay so along with him went half the instruments etc. haha. so boo, we cleaned the place, packed and left pretty abruptly at 9.


i had an immense amounf ot fun these 2 days, i must say i've really found the joy of serving Him with this worship team, and this has never changed since i started out 4 years ago :)) (ohmyy i am so lao jiao)

so. i was sitting at the bus stop (my bus took veeeery long to arrive. have you ever heard me grumble about public transport? if you haven't count yourself very lucky.) and inevitably, thinking, a lot.
i. i cannot live without people, and i couldn't be more grateful to every single person who's touched my life in one way or another, and whether i/he/she realised it or not. i'm just, so amazed by how God can use people to send us messages from up there :)
ii. will be addressed in an upcoming post
iii. i was questioning a lot of things we do and the way we go about every day of our lives - how do we truly let God be the centre of it all?
iv. (trivial) planned on writing a poem/song when i got home but the mood sorta got lost somewhere in between..
v. i need a break. i really really need a break.

currently i am very sleepy, thankful, contented, melancholic, worried, stressed, in doubt, sleepy, thankful, thankful, worried, thankful...

and this line - just this line - was so aptly stuck in my head the entire bus ride home:
i could sing of Your love forever

no place like home
it doesn't come all at once. instead it
starts out a seed, implanted within the
untouchable realm of your heart, the moment you
choose.

it doesn't come all at once. instead it
stirs awake in its quiet corner, under
the covers of coveted content, the moment you choose
to open the door.

it doesn't come all at once. instead it
takes root in well-toiled soil, imprinting
its first impressions inside, the moment you open the door
and walk out.

it doesn't come all at once. instead it
twitches in irritation on initial tremors
coursing through your skin, the moment you walk out
and close the door.

it doesn't come all at once. instead it
seeps, it bleeds paths through your heart,
marking a trail, the moment you close the door
and walk away.

it comes all at once. in the instance of re-entrance.
when the cold air rushes in your face. when the
beautifully mismatched colours leave you amazed.
when their smiles extend a dearest invitation. when their
every move flows with loving reconciliation.
when the music plays and your heart sings. when their
laughter rings, and tingles on your skin.
when you taste the flavour of blending in.
when you open your eyes, and soak the light in,

you know you've reached home.

i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
i will not regret
omg i will not regret i really won't i cannot i cannot afford to this is not the time to i should never regret i will NOT regret i will never ever ever in my lifetime regret omg i once said i'll never reget but look at this now why? why? why am i doing this why are we doing this. i thought i was sure. oh well, i was, i'm not so sure now but sheesh. i wanna be sure. omgomg cheryl please. don't. ever. regret. don't ever look back.

i have a sudden urge to call someone and sob my lungs out.

howdy people. been ages since i last posted. and i have lots to say but don't know where to start so i'm just gonna type randomly as my thoughts flow. um. the visit to claire on wednesday was great, not just cause i got to catch up with my batch but of course, especially cause i got to catch up with claire. have i mentioned i miss my batch?
played 2 matches so far, 1 friendly against home u and 1 against kaixuan WHICH WE LOST FOR THE 7TH TIME in 5 years, i don't even know haha. both were lousy. on both team and indiv level. ha. although if i give myself some leeway i guess i played decently for the last match. lollers pollers. save those REALLY LOSER misses (of both passes and shots) and REALLY UGLY shots as well, i like, totally lost my sense of how to shoot already ohmyz. anyway, it feels splendid to be back on court :D i can't describe nor explain it. it just feels so, comfortable, at last. i mean, those months when i was too busy with chorale and street to go for training or even train myself, when i hadn't even lain a finger on a basketball even once, and i just feared so terribly how i'd be, and feel, when i finally got back on court and TRIED to play ball - something i was once so familiar with but had now turned into almost a foreign sport for me. and what the team would think of me. well it takes time, and i've had 2 matches already and truthfully i've progressed slightly faster than i expected (it must have been the running ahaha) so i will be content for the moment.
honestly, i regret signing up for the connect! camp cause it's gonna take away 4 very very precious mugging days but i've decided to go in faith and trust the Lord to take care of my studies while i'm there. although the level of "faith" currently is still probably below 10%. any tips on having faith, anyone?
i have a whole LIST of people i should catch up with. and it's really quite saddening :(
o school's been great, went for 3 lessons (lyrical hiphop II, hiphop I and II) last week (this week it's closed :(((( ) and loved it :D besides hiphop I which was just, weird. heh. shall try the monday or wednesday class another time. so that was all the "dance" i had for the holidays so far. zero this week, how sad. i miss dancing already.
everyone's been or going on holidays/school trips or leadership camps etc and my holiday is relatively so uneventful. yea i know i complained about having a camp next week but what i mean here it fun camps. okay since when did i regard church camps as un-fun but this is different, it's not a WOW camp but a CAC camp and so i'll know no one besides the FEW WOW-ers whom i'm not even close to. right lame excuses. i just wish i had the chance to go on a trip, somewhere, be it bball or school educational trip or holiday (which never happens in my family so that's out of the question). and i guess i'm still bitter about missing chorale trip and CAP and lit trip and allthat.
i was saying i'm in a good mood? - think i'm just tired. spent my ENTIRE day today studying plate tectonics and volcanoes and my brain is super-saturated like the salt crystals in rocks in arid regions. and ohnoes i'm yawning but i was supposed to go continue studying landforms after this break.
sometimes i love staying up at night alone, but when i start to feel lonely, that changes. you know, when my parent(s) start turning in and when my friends start disappearing (with or without warning) off msn one by one (or worse still, all at once, like some unseen clock ticks the time to leave) but i'm not about to turn in, still.
HOW TO STUDY VOLCANOES WHEN I'M YAWNING ALREADY?? stress stress stressss.
oh i just remembered, my tuesday next week's gone too, with math makeup lesson and og outing. DIES. HOW TO STUDY YOU TELL ME. MY ENTIRE WEEK'S GONE GONE GONE.
byebyebye i'm going nownownow.
talk about abrupt change in pace (think owen). oh talking about lit, i've hardly studied that either ohmy i'm dead i'm dead.night people.