God's child
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loves people!!! :D

"let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." hebrews 10:23

live for others. make a difference.

the choices we make
"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days." -Lucas, oth 402

how do you deal with regret?
what if everything that has happened is a direct result of the choices you've made?
what if it isn't?
what if you know that no matter what choice you'd made, you'd feel the same - just on different sides of the situation?
do you know how it feels like to belong to 2 worlds but never belong in any?
what if you could turn back time? would it be different? better? worse?
what if you returned to where you came from? would they have moved on too far for you to catch up?
do they even need or want you? or would they be better off without you?

why do people always believe i'm stronger than i think i am?

where do you go from here?

goodnight
it was your home,
and we were lying limp on the queen-sized guest bed,
pattering one another through each of our life stories.

it was just you, and you, and me. three souls
different as green from red,
yet similar as leaf and rose.

our words decorated the air,
lifting. floating. spinning intricate webs
the colours of our voices.

our lives so disconnected and inter-connected,
the sweetness of sorrow and bitterness of joy -
blended - through our tales.

and the starless sky enveloped us in -
the coolness of the night
the coolness of the room, and our spirits.

and in the spaces between our voices hung
silence. we snuggled under the assuring blanket of
soundless conversation.

it was comfortable.
it was a discovery of 'non-awkward moments of silence',
an art we'd unknowingly created.

it was just you, and you, and me,
the night, the room, and the silence.
and the best conversation we'd ever had.

that night, no one said goodnight.

a thought on thought
my thoughts run deep, like viscous flow
yet where they end i do not know.
they seize and squeeze and clot my mind
stil leaving me no useful sign.
"you think too hard, you think too much,"
i often hear them comment such.
but how do i without thinking
find truest purpose in living?


new record: weekly.
and just a week ago the notion was still 'impossible' to me. today, though, it changed, and it scares me. it scared me, when i looked. it scared me, when i realised i was actually actively entertaining the idea. calculating its possibility. it scares me that this hasn't happened since...about a year ago, or for real, 5 years ago. and, almost nobody knows.


the 3 questions people have been asking me most recently:
1. DO YOU HAVE ANY CLOSE, LIKE REALLY CLOSE FRIEND(S)? like, the kind you can and will tell everything to? (no? you should seriously get one...everyone needs one...)
2. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO IN FUTURE?
3. WHY ARE YOU SO CYNICAL ABOUT MARRIAGE?

well let's see.
1. no, i don't. i've shortlisted a few reasons, the most probable being:
- i'm too picky and my expectations of such a friend are just, humanly impossible to meet.
- i get too close to people too quickly, and before long i start feeling too um, exposed, so i shy away and that's it. end of "close friendship". it could always develop into something so much more meaningful and special but i always back off before it get there.
so that's why, i don't actually have any friends that close. save one, perhaps. but even that one's different.

2. I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA AND IT'S KILLING ME. I AM DOWNRIGHT WORRIED AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, HONESTLY AND I KEEP PULLING MY HAIR OUT OVER THIS ISSUE.

3. hmmmmmmmmmm. try living with my parents for 3 days? and then imagine having had put up with this and PRETENDED LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG AT ALL for close to 6 years?
and i'm sorry to have to say this, but, i really hate it when i try to talk about it to someone, who goes, "oh, ah. it's not that big a deal la, happens in every family. my parents are like that too, but you learn to live with it." thanks, i totally appreciate your trivialisation of my problems. oh, you could add that to the list of reasons i haven't found a close close friend yet.
you can tell me that the ratio of divorced couples/unhappily married couples to happily married ones is >1, or that God never made man to be alone, or that this is just what i think right now and that will change in a matter of time, etcetc.
but it's still nothing compared to living in a permanent war zone. seeing it with your own eyes, hearing it with your own ears night after night, and having to lock yourself up to try to drown out the sounds.
no, don't tell me it's okay.


"you're not alone. you're never alone." REALLY?


and time after time, i still come to the same conclusion: better friends can be found nowhere other than WOW. WOW's family. WOW"s home. yes, i'd say i feel more at home in church than in my own house. honestly. sometimes i think i could spend an entire week just hanging around in the WOW hall, or at least, the church compound, in the company of you people. you make me feel loved. you make me feel special. you make me feel happier than no one else can ever. and you make me feel like i belong. it's like, ultimate problem solver/easer - hang out with WOW friends. i love you guys (:

and cousin. this is dedicated to you, man. i love every HTHT and ever stayover and every outing we have, i love your silliness and how easily amused you always seem to be (hahaha). and i love you for you, for being the aweomest cousin ever, ever, ever ((:

thank God He invented the concept of 'church'.

You Are Break Dancing

You are a rebel and a rule breaker. You are uniquely you, and you expressing your individuality. And while you're different and a bit weird, you're no slacker. You're extremely hard working. Having unusual talents is not as easy as it looks!

hahaha.