God's child
dance
music
basketball
loves people!!! :D

"let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." hebrews 10:23

live for others. make a difference.

Heart of Life - John Mayer
I hate to see you cry
Laying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then the circle of your firends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good

this world has more hatred than love.
it doesn't have enough to offfer.
people don't ever stay.










i never thought i'd mean this, but well.


loneliness falls like a thick blanket.
all your beliefs of happiness are false.
everything goes to waste.
you don't make sense.
you hate yourself for writing this, but something just makes you go on.
your friends aren't happy.
and so neither are you.
some things just make you smile, though only for a while
EVERYBODY LEAVES.
everybody cries, everybody dies.
everything becomes superficial.
it's 151am and i haven't done any work today.
the world seems never to stop. well, it doesn't.
i despise you and your white words.
you want to stop.
you want to forget.
you want to look back
and yet forget
or do you?
i miss basketball.
why did you leave.
why did you choose.
why did you go away.
this is not emo-ing, i mean it.
you and your snooping.
it never works out.
when will it?
she's unhappy, she's crying over the phone
not like in some soppy love song but
really. crying over the phone.
you tell me.
wait. don't.
people always leave.
random order.
thankful.
speeches. what do they mean?
"be hated. love someone."
this is stupid.
date. get married. have children.
poof.
everything goes to waste.
secrets. lies. gossip.
hurt.
you told me to tell you if you hurt me.
why should i.
you don't care, do you?


I WANT TO SLEEP IT'S FREAKING 2AM AND I DIDN'T COMPLETE ANY WORK TODAY
and i feel like crap and you feel worse than crap and i want to do something about it but i can't i don't know how i DON'T KNOW

WHY.


"The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."1 John 2:17

i miss basketball. (how many times have i said that this year?)

"trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. in all Your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5

I remember, I remember
I remember, I remember
The house where I was born,
The little window where the sun
Came peeping in at morn;

He never came a wink too soon
Nor brought too long a day;
But now, I often wish the night
Had borne my breath away.

I remember, I remember
The roses, red and white,
The violets, and the lily-cups
Those flowers made of light!

The lilacs where the robin built,
And where my brother set
The laburnum on his birthday,
The tree is living yet!

I remember, I remember
Where I was used to swing,
And thought the air must rush as fresh
To swallows on the wing;

My spirit flew in feathers then
That is so heavy now,
And summer pools could hardly cool
The fever on my brow.

I remember, I remember
The fir-trees dark and high;
I used to think their slender tops
Were close against the sky:

It was a childish ignorance,
But now ’tis little joy
To know I’m farther off from Heaven
Than when I was a boy.

Thomas Hood

very very seriously. our peformance was a disaster. you might feel it's a gross exaggeration but it's my most honest opinion. i can think of a million reasons why it didn't work out, worse, why it wouldn't have worked out in the first place - stuff we could have prevented before the performance with a bit of (more) proper planning, time management, clarity of aims, etc etc.
it could have been so much better. it was simply, unexciting. qian pian yi lu. NOT IN THE LEAST BIT IMPRESSIVE. FAR FROM IT.

so where did it go wrong?
the choreo.
the (lack of) synchronisation, which i admit really wasn't our fault cause of the sound system.
the number of people in the dance. (which screwed up practically everything from formation to choreo).
the song choices.
our TOTAL LACK OF stage presence.

i doubt. i doubt we'll ever get there, somewhere, anywhere if we're gonna go on like this. THERE NEEDS TO BE A CHANGE and i want to effect it but sometimes, you just don't have the power, ya? i've tried. endlessly. to no avail.
so much for "be the change you want to see in this world". sometimes you just aren't in the position to. sometimes whatever you say/do gets shoved in the corner. sometimes you try your best to help but others just can't see it your way.

it's a sad sad situation

and i am at a loss for what to do, cause i seriously wanna make things a thousand times better,
but i don't know whether they want to, nor whether they're ready to try.